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amicableCucumber2842
1 739 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceDecember 8, 2023
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Am I sexually or aesthetically attracted to other women, and what about my gf?
Relationship Stress / by amicableCucumber2842
Last post
 August 7th, 2024
...See more Hi, and thanks for your time. I’m struggling to navigate the topic of attraction while in my relationship with my girlfriend.  Recently we have had an argument because my gf believes that she is only “attracted” to me. She has said that in public she appreciates the way women and men look in the same way, almost like a piece of artwork. However, she has also told me that she has had intrusive thoughts about having sex with guys, that she would say are not always attractive objectively.  When she has had these thoughts she says she feels disgust, in specific the thought is imagining that guy looking down on her in missionary and it not being her boyfriends(my) face. Do these intrusive thoughts indicate that she is attracted to men but is just in denial about it because I thought that thinking about sex with them indicates sexual attraction. This has become very difficult for me to navigate. When I am in public, and see attractive women, I have in the past had sexual intrusive thoughts about these people, fantasising in a senses. I do not act on these thoughts and always shut them down. In general out of respect to my girlfriend I tend to not look at someone I deem attractive after the first acknowledgment.  What has me confused is that similarly to my gf who has said she used to thirst over an actor but no longer does so, I used to thirst over madelyn cline, but feel nothing when looking at her now. I still acknowledge her to be attractive but no where near in the same way. When talking to others about this I have received feedback that women too are biologically wired to find men attractive even when in a relationship. Is it just that in public the average male is not dressed as reveallingly and is not putting nearly as much effort into looking appealing than the average women, who have been influenced by all the major beauty brands? There have been cases where I have appreciated men in a similar way, where I have the urge to keep on looking at them, that has been in rare occasion in the gym. With guys who are very physically fit and have put effort into their appearance. TLDR: am I sexually or aesthetically attracted to other women, and what about my gf?
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Feeling Guilty due to potentially being “attracted” go other women
ADHD Support / by amicableCucumber2842
Last post
 August 5th, 2024
...See more Hi and thanks so much for your time. I'm seeking advice on a dilemma regarding attraction. I'm an 18-year-old male with ADHD, taking methylphenidate, and my partner is a 20-year-old female. Recently, my partner said she is only attracted to me and views others as she would artwork, including people of her own gender. This caused tension because I mentioned noticing attractive strangers, especially women, in public. She asked if I feel something when I see these women, and I said yes. She believes this is lust, but I think it's a dopamine rush. I’m curious about others' opinions on whether this is normal attraction or related to my ADHD. im just feeling very guilty, we have been arguing and im just trying to understand myself. Any input in appreciate In her eyes there is a difference between being attracted to other people and seeing them as attractive. She doesn’t have any particular feelings towards anyone except me.
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Need advice on dealing with near breakup
Relationship Stress / by amicableCucumber2842
Last post
 August 1st, 2024
...See more Hi, and thank you for giving up some of your day to read this, I appreciate it greatly. So me and my girlfriend have been together for around 1 year and 9 months, everything was perfect at the start. Things started to get rocky. Most recently during an argument about a prior issue, I mentioned that I was still attracted to other women despite being utterly in love with my partner. My partner freaked out when hearing this because she says she is only attracted to me since we started going out.  For context my partner struggles with body issues and therefore I would classify her as the insecure type. This situation lead to her telling me we were pretty much done because she didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t feel the same way about her (was exclusively attracted to her). I went home, because my partner was visiting a relative, in tears while on the train and sobbed to my mother(I am 18). That suddenly stopped when I got a message saying that everything is fine because my partner(20) had talked to her mother and she had said that all men find others attractive while in relationships and that it is hardwired into them, and I seemed to be one of the better ones since I wasn’t overdoing it and was being respectful.  This was all well and good but my partner clearly is struggling with this. She says that she felt heartbroken and has now taken on a stance of being “realistic” and is saying things such as there is no point in having hopes for our futures because they will just be met with disappointment(just as I let down her hope that I too exclusively was attracted to her). When I try to validate her feeling she says it doesn’t matter because her feeling are up against human biology.  I am now left with the feeling of having lost her again because the person I know spoke so differently and much less guardedly than my girlfriend did today. This has now left with feeling depressed about being a man, I wish I didn’t find other women attracted because I love and only want to be with my girlfriend. Thank you for listening
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