Need advice on dealing with near breakup
Hi, and thank you for giving up some of your day to read this, I appreciate it greatly.
So me and my girlfriend have been together for around 1 year and 9 months, everything was perfect at the start. Things started to get rocky. Most recently during an argument about a prior issue, I mentioned that I was still attracted to other women despite being utterly in love with my partner. My partner freaked out when hearing this because she says she is only attracted to me since we started going out.
For context my partner struggles with body issues and therefore I would classify her as the insecure type.
This situation lead to her telling me we were pretty much done because she didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t feel the same way about her (was exclusively attracted to her). I went home, because my partner was visiting a relative, in tears while on the train and sobbed to my mother(I am 18). That suddenly stopped when I got a message saying that everything is fine because my partner(20) had talked to her mother and she had said that all men find others attractive while in relationships and that it is hardwired into them, and I seemed to be one of the better ones since I wasn’t overdoing it and was being respectful.
This was all well and good but my partner clearly is struggling with this. She says that she felt heartbroken and has now taken on a stance of being “realistic” and is saying things such as there is no point in having hopes for our futures because they will just be met with disappointment(just as I let down her hope that I too exclusively was attracted to her). When I try to validate her feeling she says it doesn’t matter because her feeling are up against human biology.
I am now left with the feeling of having lost her again because the person I know spoke so differently and much less guardedly than my girlfriend did today. This has now left with feeling depressed about being a man, I wish I didn’t find other women attracted because I love and only want to be with my girlfriend.
Thank you for listening
@amicableCucumber2842
I do not think you should be so hard on yourself......
.#1 You were Honest .... many men also like to look at others and see others attractive but they (lie) pretend like "no only you are attractive to me "
#2 it is a false narrative promoted IMO by insecurity......... that when in a couple ...no one else exists in the world that is simply illogical and irrational. Does she appreciate the looks of any celebrity etc? out in public she never looks at anyone?
#3 It is not a hardwired thing in males only and yes most women also find others attractive but pretending they do not. Real attraction that is a threat is more then you appreciating general good looks ..
#4 a relationship should not be that superficial ....it should be the personality inside the pretty face....
relationships include the mutual compatibility and trust .... where is her trust in you? if she thinks relationships are so fragile if a good looking person walks by and you look it is OVER then you need someone more mature and has deeper feelings and trust in you.