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anonymousmonkey67
1 8,040 M Moving Along 8
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts160 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceApril 20, 2023
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I was raised by narcissistic parents
Depression Support / by anonymousmonkey67
Last post
 June 26th, 2025
...See more the very fact that I was born in this family implies that some bad karma is working out. So I am evil. And also look, I find faults with my father and call him narc. No but my mom used to call me negative thinking if I speak But she herself used to speak her married life problems. She perhaps wanted me to be more tolerant. For me, she would not stand for me or keep my secrets from dad. But she would expect me to side her in family fights. I feel guilty that I never sided her. But at that time I felt that my involvement in parent's fights will only increase the pitch. But I should not have done it. God is punishing me. That's why I have a job but my father doesn't allow me freedom to use my money or go outside the house. He also thinks good for me and wants to protect me from danger. He doesn't want to lose me after he lost my mother. But I feel confused whether should I be obedient to father or am I right in desiring freedom. I never played with friends or went outside the house as a kid. I was asked to study. First, till std 10, then 12, then b tech and m tech. They would say I am a child and don't have the right to go outside. But once I grow up I will get the rights. But finally my mom says that children always remain children to parents and father started saying no matter what the past, I don't want to lose you. So I keep you with me. He has all my certificates, bank accounts, etc. he has invested my money in different places like this scheme that scheme etc. whose password he only knows. He doesn't misuse money in bad habits. He asserts that he has quit smoking and drinking in one day. And says doesn't want to lose me or take any risk with me. If I disobey him he will make me promise that after his death also I will continue to restrict myself in a similar way by holding myself accountable to another relative or his other trusted person I feel guilty to confront him. Because of his so called protection, I could not defend myself when I was sexually abused murdered by classmates. Everyone calls me trans everyday though I am boy. He doesn't know it. If I tell, he will tell his childhood poverty and that he is doing good in protecting me. And will revoke the little freedom also I have. I wanted to be an army officer. But my parents manipulated me such that I myself was made to tell that I don't want to join the army. To outsiders, they are parents of a proud son who studied in big and top colleges and is financially independent after breaking their cycles of poverty. To outsiders, they say that they allowed me to do what I liked in my life. But they repeatedly discouraged my wish to join army by saying that I am not fit for it. I wanted to undo their upbringing and prove myself. But I couldn't. They repeatedly said (specially father) that I am fit only for a desk job. I am an AI engineer who earns lakhs of rupees. But I don't have freedom to use my hard earned money. People in my office discriminate me due to the fact that I am introverted. They don't call me for their planned trips, sports activities, group lunches, etc. I feel very isolated. And I have more pressure than others to make a difference. And this hard work is paying me nothing. I have become aimless and ambitionless because my dreams are shattered. And father says now that I should have an aim and goal in life after having shattered it. I just wanted to say a good bye.
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Personal diary
Depression Support / by anonymousmonkey67
Last post
 April 19th, 2025
...See more Is it ok for me to read the diary of a dead person? Should I allow someone to read my diary after my death? I am not su ici dal, but death is certain for all, and I do maintain a diary for myself, so I need some advice. I have written nothing good about my parents or any relative. In fact I have nothing good to write about them. So, I can't ask them. So, I ask you.
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