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arberran1030
694 M Little Steps
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts59 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2022 Member sinceMay 17, 2022
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Is ghosting ok after someone traumatized you?
Relationship Stress / by arberran1030
Last post
 May 22nd, 2022
...See more TW: mentions of SH and suicide At a party 3 months ago, my ex bf mocked my struggle w SH and my experience w suicide, cornered me, then tried to hurt himself in front of me to make me get back together with him. I was traumatized and I was shaking and sobbing the whole night. After that he texted me but it was more about his feelings then a genuine apology but I was done with him so I didn’t respond to anything he sent. He then sent another message saying I was awful, manipulative, and used him. After that I finally explained what exactly I was upset about (in case he didn’t know but many people told him what he did and how bad it was), how hurtful it was, how I couldn’t forgive him, and that he was out of my life for good. Then I blocked him on everything. Now he’s going around saying that I am a bad person and that my mutual friends should not be friends with me and started calling me awful names. All my friends said I was rigjt for cutting him off for my own mental health but me and my ex bff got into a fight and she said I was giving him the silent treatment. Now I don’t know if ghosting him was right (she always defended him and would rip into me when we had disagreements). I didn’t do it to punish him but to protect my mental health because it was and still is fragile.
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Was what I did right? Or was I actually in the wrong?
Relationship Stress / by arberran1030
Last post
 May 18th, 2022
...See more TW: mentions of SH and suicide I ghosted my ex after an incident at a party. At the time, we were broken up but became friends again. He got drunk and started screaming that how he wanted to die and started laughing. He then said he wanted to SH and made gestures on his arm and started laughing. He then said he was going to take stuff he had in his room to end his life and laughed like it was hilarious. I was so upset I started shaking and crying. To make things worse I opened out him about me experience with SH and suicide. When talking about how he wanted to SH I was begging him not to and he used my words against me from when I opened up to him about it. Later on in the night I hear the door to the work out room slam shut (I told people earlier to not shut that door). I walked in and he had these fitness rings from the ceiling tied around his neck, as if he were trying to hang/choke himself. After that he texted me but the texts were all about him in my opinion. He first drunk texted me sorry them later followed up with how he needed to work on moving on from me as it wasn’t good for him (I told him to work on moving on multiple times). Then he asked me if I was ok and then sent a long paragraph how he said me not responding was messing with his head and that all the emotions he let out were real and that he will probably never kill himself. He mentions getting back together, said “sorry how it affected you”, and that he misses me. I chose to respond because he didn’t apologize or acknowledge how hurtful his actions were. It was just about how he thought it was ok because he was upset. I didn’t do it to punish him, I wanted to protect my mental health. When we were breaking up we kept having these long fights with back and forth paragraphs, and I didn’t want to do that again. I also think he didn’t deserve a response from me because he took a experience I almost succumbed too and laughed at it like it was funny. Then tried to hurt himself for which I assume was to make me feel bad and get back together with him. Then randomly 3 weeks after I ignored his last message he sent me a long text message telling me I manipulated him, used him, that I pick him apart every time he does something wrong (I have never done this from my knowledge). He says he needed me and I just abandoned him. He says that he just wants to move on and find someone that cares and to be with his friends (I haven’t prevented him from doing any of those things). It’s funny because he also says he never wants to be close to me again but then says it would be cool if we decided to be friendly with each other. A week later I sent him a message for myself explaining what he did exactly and how it made me upset, and how I could not forgive him for it. I was kind and wished him well and hoped that he was able to heal. After that message I blocked him on all platforms. However he is still causing problems to this day. He is asking our mutual friends to stop hanging out and being friends with me because it makes him upset and that he is going to distance himself if they do. He also sent a long message the other day telling them I am a bad person, that I manipulate and use people, that he’s done with me, and that i’m a nasty bitch and my friends are cunts (my friends have done nothing to him). He told my two close friends to reconsider being friends with me and told the one to uninvite me from their grad party. The friend then texted him separately and said that he is still going to be friends with both of us and he is not going to uninvite me. The my ex goes on about how I am a bad person and hurt his friends (I have no idea about this he just started saying it now) and that I am only using my friend for my own social standing (this is also new too). All my friends told me what he did was horrible and manipulative and that I was right for ghosting him for my own mental health. That he is unwell and needs help and that I am not a bad person, he is just trying to bring me down and make himself feel better. But I am starting to believe his words about me, and what I did was wrong and that I am a bad person. My friends just say that’s his manipulation making me feel that way. I just want to get an outsiders view on this. Was what he did actually ok as he was struggling? Was ghosting him valid? And his actions now are a result of my neglect? Or was what he did consider manipulation and abuse? That I was right for ghosting him for my own sake and his actions now just show his true colors? Let me know what you guys think.
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Is this consider emotional/mental abuse or am I being dramatic?
Trauma Support / by arberran1030
Last post
 June 19th, 2022
...See more TW: SH I opened up to my ex bf (when we became friends again) about how I struggled with SH and how it was hard for me to stop. I also opened up about my experience of how I almost attempted. At a party I had he started screaming that he was going to hurt himself and take stuff and he started laughing about it and making hand gestures about hurting himself on his wrist and neck. I was crying begging him to not to and that is not worth and and he used my words against me from when I opened up about how hard it was for me to stop SH. Later he slammed a door and I went to open it and he was trying to choke himself with these fitness rings that hung from the ceiling. I ignored him after this as I was extremely hurt and I thought he would stop but he hasn’t. I believe he did this to pressure me into getting back together with him as I do not know what other reason he would have to act out at a party because he has not acted this way at other parties he’s been to (that I wasn’t there at). He sent me a message telling me how awful I am and how awful I was to him. He’s saying awful things about me to our mutual friends and trying to make them believe I am a horrible person. Now I question my reality and who I am as a person. I do not know what to believe, my friends tell me he’s manipulative and what he did was horrible but he’s telling me I am a horrible person. Some days I think I am a horrible person and other days I think I was right for removing him from my life. I do not know if what he did is mental or emotional abuse or if I am being dramatic and trying to exaggerate things. And if what I am experiencing now is due to what he’s done or if I am actually realizing who I am. I also do not know if I was right for removing him as he said I abandoned him when he needed me.
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