Is ghosting ok after someone traumatized you?
TW: mentions of SH and suicide
At a party 3 months ago, my ex bf mocked my struggle w SH and my experience w suicide, cornered me, then tried to hurt himself in front of me to make me get back together with him. I was traumatized and I was shaking and sobbing the whole night. After that he texted me but it was more about his feelings then a genuine apology but I was done with him so I didn’t respond to anything he sent. He then sent another message saying I was awful, manipulative, and used him. After that I finally explained what exactly I was upset about (in case he didn’t know but many people told him what he did and how bad it was), how hurtful it was, how I couldn’t forgive him, and that he was out of my life for good. Then I blocked him on everything. Now he’s going around saying that I am a bad person and that my mutual friends should not be friends with me and started calling me awful names. All my friends said I was rigjt for cutting him off for my own mental health but me and my ex bff got into a fight and she said I was giving him the silent treatment. Now I don’t know if ghosting him was right (she always defended him and would rip into me when we had disagreements). I didn’t do it to punish him but to protect my mental health because it was and still is fragile.
@arberran1030
What he did was really horrible, you have every right to protect your wellbeing and do what feels better for your mental health
If you're questioning it though maybe you can leave him a message saying you need time and aren't interested in keeping contact with him?
I did send him a message saying that he couldn’t be in my life anymore and it’s been two months since I sent it but he is still trying to tear me down and won’t stop :(
@arberran1030
It is so sad
You don't deserve this
If possible cut off all ties and be firm telling him you want nothing to do with him ❤
I blocked him after I sent the message explaining I cannot forgive him and it’s been two months of no contact and he is continuing to escalate and get more and more angry. I’m starting to get worried because I have a few upcoming event where he will be there and i’m scared he’s going to do something.
@arberran1030,
are any of your friends going to that event? If so, and assuming they know about the situation, ask them to keep an eye on you. If you have proof of harassment, ask for a restraining order. In the US state I live in, having a restraining order will make it hard to get a job or you might lose your current one. It is a last resort, but you have to protect yourself, whatever it takes.
Yes me and my best friend are going together. He’s very shy and he’s scared of her so I don’t think he would try to approach me if I’m constantly surrounded. I’m just worried if I wander off and am isolated he would try to do or say something. I’m about to go to college in a different state so I wouldn’t get a restraining order unless he physically tries to hurt me. He’s very mentally ill but the problem is he’s taking it out on me and i’m his person he’s attached too.
You don't owe anybody explanations. If we want to be decent human beings, we can think of communicating to the other person what we feel, letting them know of our decision to cut them out of our life. However, there are cases where disappearing may be the best option for our well-being, such as when someone is abusive or treats us badly. You know better than anyone why you found it necessary to cut off all contact in this way, and no one has the right to tell you it's not okay. If after doing this your mental health has improved, I believe that the best thing is to continue down this path without looking back, you have no reason to feel guilty and not allow anyone to make you feel.
@arberran1030 Personally, I don't even think that's ghosting him. You explained why. If you just leave someone wondering, then that's ghosting and when it's done as a way to stay safe is definitely ok to do.
@arberran1030,
you are not ghosting (a word anyway used too often in a totally wrong context).
You cut ties with him.
Just ignore him, and for your bff, she turned out to not be a best bff. A best bff would have taken your side, without even having to think on it.
