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arledge
4,748 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts123 Forum posts28 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2022 Member sinceMarch 26, 2020
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Fog Effecting Work
Depression Support / by arledge
Last post
September 8th, 2020
...See more I've had some ups and downs. I'll feel better for a week or so and then crash. I crashed on last Saturday and have stayed that way since. This fog is effecting work. No energy, tired all the time, no motivation, I'm slow, irritable. I'm starting to leave work early or call out. I've been breaking down at work. I had a falling out with a coworker that upset me and still upsets me. I feel like she hates me and doesn't want to work with me anymore but I guess thats my fault. I feel like my medicine isn't working anymore, my therapist wants me to go to someone that specializes in those types of medicines to see what needs to change. I'm waiting for an appointment, I don't know how long I will have to wait. I don't think I've been fighting it that much, I've just let it run me over completely.
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I don't like myself.
Depression Support / by arledge
Last post
July 2nd, 2020
...See more Past few months have been difficult. I'm sure its been difficult for a lot of people. First I had issues with work that as stressing me out to the point of breaking down daily. Went to the doctor for meds, found a therapist, and within 2 weeks the issue was fixed. Then came the issues with my coworker who I unfortunately caught feelings for causing me much distress and panic attacks. My previous thread shows how that was resolved and its still resolved for the most part with some minor issues. With two issues fixed now comes the third and the reason for this thread. Now I'm starting to hate myself. I feel like I'm boring, uninteresting, and worthless. Everyday is the same. Work, Gym, Home, Repeat. My therapist tries to get me to do new things and I know they are right but everything just sounds so uninteresting and I don't feel like I have the time, interest, or energy for it. I try to get into dating but I hate it. I hate the expectations. I don't have the opportunities to meet many people anyways. I feel stuck and I hate myself. I know I have improved over the past few months as I fixed a couple issues but now I'm just faced with the fact that I don't like myself.
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I feel burned.
Depression Support / by arledge
Last post
June 24th, 2020
...See more Over the course of a year I became what felt like good friends with my coworker. I have unfortunately over the past few months developed deeper feelings for her. I won't go into the various reasons why that wouldn't work out. I had accepted this, or at least, most of me. We've talked about it, thats the kind of person she is. She cares and doesn't like to see me this way but we continue to work together like everything is normal, and for the most part it is. I hit a bump every now and then that messes with me. I've had to come to face a rough truth that I felt was always true. Our friendship only exists within this job. The moment I get another job, thats it. Like I never existed and that makes me feel completely worthless and unwanted despite the fact that theres nothing wrong with that. I don't know what the point of all of this was. Getting attached, having a positive friendship with someone only to end up losing it completely. It makes me not want to connect with anyone. I just don't feel good, I feel like nothing matters. I can only imagine how I would feel if I weren't on medication. My happiness is gone and I can't function at work anymore, all I can do it put on a happy face because I know she hates to see me upset.
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