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artsygirl889
315 M Embraced 2
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2017 Member sinceApril 7, 2016
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Doctor won't diagnose me but I exhibit all the symptoms
Personality Disorders Support / by artsygirl889
Last post
 January 29th, 2018
...See more Hi there, I've been seeing counsellors and therapists on and off for a couple months. I mentioned BPD to my new therapist but she hasn't officially diagnose me. I've exhibited symptoms of BPD since my early teens -- self-harming behaviour, intense emotions that I have a hard time controlling (sometimes my anger and frustration would lead me to hit walls and throw temper tantrums; sometimes my sadness would leave me bawling my eyes out and just wanting to die alone in my room), very unstable self image (I see myself as inferior to everyone; I feel like I'm the only person who doesn't have themself "figured out" -- I see other girls around and they look so put together and I feel like half of a person on a good day), VERY unstable relationships (my first bf and I broke up when I was 15 and it sent me into a HUGE depression. I tried to fill the sadness by sleeping aroound and seeing new men. Every relationship with any man, whether serious or casual, has left me compulsively texting them if they "really like me or are just fucking with me", until I annoy them and freak them out to the point of leaving me), fear of abandonemnt and being alone (When these men do leave, I breakdown emotionally: crying uncontrollably, self-harming, suicidal thoughts ---- I also cannot stand being alone, I get so uncomfortable in my own presence. alone with my thoughts for too long I need to spend time with other people or else I get lonely and depressed), and reckless impulsive behaviours (self-mutilation, I started doing cocaine heavily and drinking at age 15 -- blacking out and getting sick every weekend, I slept around with many men unprotected, I did way too many drugs, got into cars with drunk drivers, drove drunk myself... Even when these behaviours were having clear negative effects I couldn't stop them..) My questions here is NOT for a diagnosis. My question is, having analyzed all the symptoms I described, would you say the chances of me having BPD (as I've suspected for a year now) are good? I'm struggling and no one will diagnose me, I just want to know what's "wrong" with me. Is it okay to self-diagnose if your doctors won't listen to you??? My therapist even gives me DBT worksheets to do, I feel like she has an idea but is reluctant to actually diagnose me. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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