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bluefriend21
1 60 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2021 Member sinceMay 29, 2021
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My best friend comes to me for all of her personal issues and it drains me, but I'm the only person she has and I can't abandon her
Relationship Stress / by bluefriend21
Last post
 May 31st, 2021
...See more so I have a best friend, let's name her Sarah bc i don't want to use real names. Anyways, Sarah and I have been best friends since the 7th grade, and we actually just graduated hs yesterday- it's been a long time. and I love her a lot, I'm really close with her and I cherish our friendship, but I feel like over the last few years I've basically become her 2nd therapist and it's stressing me out. She's dealing with a lot of difficult things in her life; bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, depression, an eating disorder, anxiety, she has major abandonment issues(which i guess comes from her bpd), fairly shitty parents who don't care as much as they should for everything going on and are the cause for a lot of her problems, a pretty bad childhood, some horrible ex's, one of who sexually assaulted her, and many more things that I literally can't remember. It's a lot. And I absolutely love that she feels comfortable enough to come to me about these things, but I feel like every text convo we have is about her problems. She has a lot of breakdowns so I understand and I don't hold it against her, but every convo goes like this: Sarah: hey Me: hey! what's up, how are you? S: *sends a 15-pronged text about one of her disorders acting up Then I try to comfort her for like 2 hours. And even then, I know I haven't done much because I very quickly run out of things to say. It's difficult when she keeps saying "everyone hates me, everyone wishes I was gone, I'm a waste of space" and I repeat the opposite 100x, I start sounding like a broken record because I genuinely don't know how to get her to listen to me telling her all that isn't true. A lot of the time, I ignore her messages for hours on end (currently am rn) because I just don't have the mental energy to sit for 3hr and help her with another new thing. I feel like such a shitty friend, but it's the honest truth and I've been avoiding accepting that truth for myself. The simple solution seems like it would be to figure out a way to tell her I can't mentally take this, but she has no one else. Her parents live pretty comfortably, but they don't care much for her issues and don't always get her meds, and Sarah has a somewhat busy life so she can't go to therapy often. If I straight up left her, I know I'd probably spark the worst abandoment issues for her, especially after all the times I said I'd never leave her side. I could never do that to her. But I can't do this. I've other concerns about our friendship too, but that's not what I came here to talk about. I just need advice, or just some words of comfort. Unlike her, I don't have a real therapist or someone I can talk to, so I have to come to a random internet thread haha. TIA. sorry this is so long.
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