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bravePine7996
167 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2022 Member sinceMarch 3, 2022
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Weird relationship with ex
Relationship Stress / by bravePine7996
Last post
 April 27th, 2022
...See more So, Thai is not my first post. Brief summary of the situation: my husband dated his ex for eight years and remained friends, they broke up a year before I met him and she treated me like she was expecting us to break up and him get back together with her. It's been three years since then but I still don't trust her and she doesn't really act like a good friend for him most of the time (in my opinion). They still have a loan together, so she knows we are having money problems, which I'm not really comfortable with. He normally wakes up earlier than I do and walks the dog. She lives a couple blocks away (which is not weird because the town is super small). This morning she asked him if he would like to have breakfast with her as they both wake up around the same time and she also offered to walk the dog with him. I feel this is very weird and I am not comfortable with how she said it. She also said that we could walk the dog all together, after she said the first thing, this time including her boyfriend. My husband told me she had told him about walking the dog all together tomorrow afternoon. But that is not the same thing she told him, I don't know if it's because he just didn't think of it as an option or what. But I don't like her and I don't trust her and I am afraid she wants to come between us. Am I going crazy?
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Memories keep popping up
Relationship Stress / by bravePine7996
Last post
 March 13th, 2022
...See more TW: rape, abuse Also, this may be a little long, bear with me So, by the trigger warning your probably get an idea of what my romantic past looks like. My first relationship was, in a word, bad. A couple days ago I posted about having problems accepting my husband's past with his ex (the post is called "help! I can't get over the past"). She was his first love and they dated for a really long time, which makes me feel insecure for a number of reasons, and he still cares about her even when he acknowledges that the relationship ended up being quite toxic. The thing is, for the last couple days, I have been thinking about what a first love is and who was my first love. I would love to say that my husband is my first love (after all it is my first serious relationship), however I fear my first love might have been the second guy I dated, let's call him P. P was my friend for about a year before I realized how much I liked him. We used to spend hours and hours talking while cuddling. He would put his head in my lap and I would play with his hair while we talked or he would hug me and I would lay my head on his chest and feel safe. I always felt safe and warm and comfortable in his arms. He would kiss my hand while he drove or if I was standing up and he was sitting. He was my first kiss and I got very nervous when we kissed, but also safe. We would make out and then lay in bed cuddled together watching movies and I always felt safe and happy with him. All of these memories I have tried for years to deny. I want to forget them. I don't talk about them and I try not to think about them either. P (and here comes the TW) raped me. I lost my virginity to him, but not willingly. He was sober and I was sober, it was a Tuesday afternoon and he didn't stop when I asked him to stop and he held me down by force so I would stop pushing him away from me and hitting him. He complained that I was resisting too much. As soon as I could leave I did and he was mad at me, he said I was a b!tch and that I had no right to be mad at him. He apologized about a week later and it was easy to forgive him. He said he never meant to hurt me and that he would never hurt me again. He cried when he saw the bruise he left on my wrist and he kissed it with tenderness. I had always felt safe around him so it was easy to go back, to believe it was never going to happen again. But it did, some time later it happened again and again and again. We were together for around 9 months after that. He would apologize again, but with time it was only whenever he did something specially bad. He threatened me, he hit me, he did awful things. These are the memories I keep of him. They remind me how important it is to set boundaries. They remind me to not tolerate certain things, red flags, because I know how bad things can get. But lately, the memories that keep popping up in my head are the happy ones. There were a couple of times when I did want to have sex with him and I did love to watch movies with him and whenever he kissed me and hugged me it felt natural, like I was were I was supposed to be. I think I have gotten to the point of admitting to myself that P was my first love. I just need to figure out how to accept that fact because it is causing me insomnia and anxiety attacks. I feel angry whenever I remember something nice with him, I feel heartbroken too. I don't know how to deal with all of this, I don't know if maybe it would be easier to go back to pretending I was never happy with him.
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Anyone here in Spain?
Around the World / by bravePine7996
Last post
 April 23rd, 2022
...See more I live in Ibiza but don't know a lot of people here and would love to meet someone
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Help! Can't get over the past
Relationship Stress / by bravePine7996
Last post
 March 7th, 2022
...See more I (F28) met my husband (M30) on march 2020. The relationship moved fast but it has been amazing and every step of the way has felt right. There is only one problem: his ex. He dated s girl for 8 years and broke up with her a year before he met me. They are still good friends and talk every now and then because they have a lot of friends in common, which is perfectly understandable. The thing is I don't like her and she doesn't like me either. When I started dating him, she still thought they were going to get back together and she didn't really hide it. I understand it was painful for her but she was really rude to me. We haven't really hang out with her in the past year because of this and he has had less contact with her because I asked him to. During the time they have not been speaking as much he has started to realize how toxic his relationship with her was, although he says he doesn't really mind now because he is with me so everything turned out fine. The problem is that I don't know why it bothers me so much that he has a past with her. Like, when he tells me about things they used to do together I feel like he wants me to be like her or that he is not really happy with me and I don't know why I feel like this. Her and I have some things in common, like the fact that we like baking, and I don't know why that bothers me so much, but it does. It's like I feel he wants me to be a replacement for her or that I'm not special to him. I feel like I am going crazy, I get super anxious and I feel like I want to cry whenever these things come up. I am scared that this anxiety might break my marriage. My husband and I have really good communication, normally, but it is so hard to talk to him about this, specially when I don't understand it myself.
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