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braveTurtle6562
1,559 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts33 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceJuly 2, 2024
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Struggling with Motivation, Memory, and Self-Worth: Seeking Advice and Support
ADHD Support / by braveTurtle6562
Last post
 August 24th, 2024
...See more I'm 29 and my memory has worsened over the years, along with my command of the English language. I forget common words and mostly feel low. I’ve stopped taking care of myself and no longer enjoy activities I used to love. I feel like a shell of my former self, lacking the motivation and energy to improve my life. I procrastinate a lot and feel almost dead inside. When I was at my last job, I constantly felt the urge to commit suicide because it was horrible despite the good pay. I eventually quit, disappointing my parents. I was unemployed from October 9, 2023, to March 11, 2024, and now have a lower-paying remote job with less pressure. My libido has decreased, and I no longer desire relationships or impressing girls. I find no joy in anything, live in fear, and am extremely cautious. I used to be attractive to women, but now I don't take care of myself. I have trouble sleeping, and thoughts about my future keep me up at night. I thought getting a job would fix things, but it hasn't. I still feel unfulfilled despite regularly going to the gym, something I started in 2019. I now only go through the motions, feeling like I would commit suicide if I lost my muscles. I eat unhealthy food most days and have lost interest in football, which I once loved. I feel like I’ve let my parents down, especially compared to my successful brother. I feel like a burden and have experienced constant job rejections for seven months. Even now, I face rejections while looking for a better-paying job. My motivation for working out has dwindled, and I just show up because it feels better than doing nothing. I’ve isolated myself out of shame after quitting my high-paying job, ignoring calls from classmates and former colleagues. I believe people enjoyed seeing me fail due to jealousy over my high placement package. This belief causes extreme stress, feeling that people want me to fail. I don't even want a relationship or marriage. Nowadays, girls are quick to cheat on great guys so how can my situation be any different? I feel ugly and fear that any girl might cheat on me for a taller guy. I'm not rich, so I think that wouldn’t deter her from cheating. I feel my muscles no longer attract women like they used to. I used to get validation from women checking me out, and it gave me confidence. I played the guitar and went to the gym to attract girls, not for health. I liked it when girls looked at me despite having boyfriends, as it made me feel good and confident. Girls desiring me was my only goal, making me feel worthy of love. I also feel God is no longer with me. I don't feel his presence around me anymore. I don't know why I tried to pray but I am not feeling the warmth or closeness like I used to when I was younger. I remember when somehow everything worked in my favour back in the day as if God was looking over me. Another point I want to talk about was my guitar journey. I played guitar from 2013 - to 2018 roughly on and off. I was good and wanted to make that my career but I was not earning money. So I had to quit and study for an MBA. To get a job and earn money. I don't know the day I left playing music I kind of died inside. I was never truly happy after that. I did workout and everything but still I wanted to make this my career. I know I played music to impress women but eventually it became something I wanted to do for long because it felt like a game and I could spend days and hours behind it. I also get extremely annoyed when people laugh at things which are not funny but generic. Generic things don't make me laugh. I only find humour in Dark jokes. Currently, I find living pointless. It's almost like everything is going against me and all the wrong things are happening with me. I lost motivation to workout and I am no longer happy. There was a time when walking used to cheer me up but not anymore. I feel death would be a release at this point. I am in a bad job and sometimes I feel a good job might fix this feeling but I am positive it won't. If I am being honest I don't want to work under anyone. I am having trouble falling asleep. I just have the worst thoughts about everything. Sometimes I feel only bad things happen to me. I lost appetite and motivation to improve my life. I wish I was better. My age is 30 so that depresses me even more that I am no longer eligible for most things. Sometimes I feel I destroyed my life and there is no way to fix it.
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Need help please 🙏
Depression Support / by braveTurtle6562
Last post
 July 11th, 2024
...See more The reason for me to write all this down is because I forget things.I am 29. Over the years my memory has worsened. My command over the English Language has worsened too. I am forgetting common words. I mostly feel low. I stopped taking care of myself. The activities I used to enjoy are no longer enjoyable. I am a shell of my former self. I used to be highly motivated and dedicated but since the past 2-3 years I have had trouble staying motivated to do things for my life's improvement. It's not that I don't want to improve and become my former self but it's almost like I am dead from inside and have no energy or desire to even be that. My will is failing against my energy. I procrastinate. When I was working for my last company I had constant desire to commit suicide because I was between two things one the job was horrible but it paid well. Quitting would make my parents disappointed. I did quit eventually and they were disappointed. I was unemployed from October 9th 2023 to 11th March 2024. I joined a job which paid less than my previous job but it is remote and the work pressure is less. My libido is no longer as high as it used to be. I have lost the desire to impress girls like I used to. I have lost the desire to have a relationship. I don't find joy in literally anything. This is not a very nice way to live. I am generally more scared nowadays. Scared to try anything and also extremely cautious. I used to be attractive to women nowadays it's no longer the case. It's natural because I am not taking care of myself anywhere. I am just existing. I can't sleep and have thoughts of my future and what awaits. I used to think getting a job would fix things. But it didn't. My last job paid really well but it didn't bring happiness. Neither is my current company. I am a person who visits the gym at least 4 days a week and I do that regularly. At times I feel if muscles were taken away I would commit suicide. Even working out didn't help me cure this. I have a general feeling that I have let my parents down. My brother made it in life but I couldn't and I feel this disappoints my parents. I feel like a burden to my family. I wish I did well but due to my age I feel my time is limited. I experienced constant rejections for 7 months. Even now while looking for a job( which pays better than my current company )I am experiencing rejections . I started working out back in 2019 and I was very motivated but now that motivation is not there. I no longer push myself in the gym. I just turn up because I feel something is better than nothing. I used to eat healthy but most of my days eat unhealthy food even though I visit the gym. I loved watching football but even I lost intrest in that. Everything seems meaningless. One of the reasons for my desire to not marry or have a relationship is because of the increased number of girls cheating on their boyfriends. I also feel ashamed after quitting my high paying job and as a result I isolated myself. I ignored calls from my classmates and people from my last office. I believe most people enjoyed when I lost my job because I got one of the highest placement packages and people were jealous. I didn't want to explain my situation to these people so I ignored their messages and calls. Many of them even tried to visit my LinkedIn profile to figure out what I am doing at the moment. I felt extreme stress when I realised how much people wanted me to fail. I just feel, I destroyed my life. I constantly feel ugly as girls prefer tall guys and I am short so I feel even if a girl ends up being my girlfriend she might be attracted to someone taller and then cheat on me. I am not even rich that it would deter her from cheating. I feel my muscles are no longer attracting women like it used to do. Earlier Women checked me out in the streets but now nothing of that sort happens. I don't get validation from women anymore. I always did activities to get validation from girls like playing the guitar and gym. It was always about getting girls. I was never interested in doing it for my health. I liked the feeling when a girl used to look at me while she had a boyfriend. It gave me confidence. It made me feel handsome and good looking. The more girls stared at me the more confident and calm I became. Girls desiring me was the only goal for me. I wanted to feel that I am good enough to be loved.
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I need help
Depression Support / by braveTurtle6562
Last post
 July 4th, 2024
...See more The reason for me to write all this down is because I forget things.I am 29. Over the years my memory has worsened. My English language prowess has also suffered. I am forgetting common things. I mostly feel low. I stopped taking care of myself. The activities I used to enjoy are no longer enjoyable. I am a shell of my former self. I used to be highly motivated and dedicated but since the past 2-3 years I have had trouble staying motivated to do things for my life's improvement. It's not that I don't want to improve and become my former self but it's almost like I am dead from inside and have no energy or desire to even be that. My will is failing against my energy. I procrastinate. When I was working for my last company I had constant desire to commit suicide because I was between two things one the job was horrible but it paid well. Quitting would make my parents disappointed. I did quit eventually and they were disappointed. I was unemployed from October 9th 2023 to 11th March 2024. I joined a job which paid less than my previous job but it was remote and the work pressure was less. My libido is no longer as high as it used to be. I have lost the desire to impress girls like I used to. I have lost the desire to have a relationship. I don't find joy in literally anything. This is not a very nice way to live. I am generally more scared nowadays. Scared to try anything and also extremely cautious. I used to be attractive to women nowadays it's no longer the case. It's natural because I am not taking care of myself anywhere. I am just existing. I can't sleep and have thoughts of my future and what awaits. I used to think getting a job would fix things. But it didn't. My last job paid really well but it didn't bring happiness. Neither did my current company. I am a person who visits the gym at least 4 days a week. Even working out didn't help me cure this. I have a general feeling that I have let my parents down. My brother made it in life but I couldn't and this disappoints my parents. I feel like a burden to my family. I wish I did well but due to my age I feel my time is limited. I experienced constant rejections for 7 months. Even now while looking for a job I am experiencing rejection while looking for a job. I started working out back in 2019 and I was very motivated but now that motivation is not there. I no longer push myself in the gym. I just turn up because I feel something is better than nothing. I used to eat healthy but most of my days eat unhealthy food even though I visit the gym. I loved watching football but even I lost watching that. Everything seems meaningless. One of the reasons for my desire to not marry or have a relationship is because of the increased number of girls cheating on their boyfriends. I also feel ashamed after quitting my high paying job and as a result I isolated myself. I ignored calls from my classmates and people from my last office. I believe most people enjoyed when I lost my job because I got one of the highest placement packages and people were jealous. I didn't want to explain my situation to these people so I ignored their messages and calls. Many of them even tried to visit my LinkedIn profile to figure out what I am doing at the moment. I felt extreme stress when I realised how much people wanted me to fail. I just feel, I destroyed my life. I constantly feel ugly as girls prefer tall guys and I am short so I feel even if a girl ends up being my girlfriend she might be attracted to someone taller and then cheat on me. I am not even rich that it would deter her from cheating. I feel my muscles are no longer attracting women like it used to do. Earlier Women checked me out in the streets but now nothing of that sort happens. I don't get validation from women anymore. I always did activities to get validation from girls like playing the guitar and gym. It was always about getting girls. I was never interested in doing it for my health. I liked the feeling when a girl used to look at me while she had a boyfriend. It gave me confidence. It made me feel handsome and good looking. The more girls stared at me the more confidence and calm I became. Girls desiring me was the only goal for me. I wanted to feel that I am good enough to be loved.
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