I need help

The reason for me to write all this down is because I forget things.I am 29. Over the years my memory has worsened. My English language prowess has also suffered. I am forgetting common things. I mostly feel low. I stopped taking care of myself. The activities I used to enjoy are no longer enjoyable. I am a shell of my former self. I used to be highly motivated and dedicated but since the past 2-3 years I have had trouble staying motivated to do things for my life's improvement. It's not that I don't want to improve and become my former self but it's almost like I am dead from inside and have no energy or desire to even be that. My will is failing against my energy. I procrastinate. When I was working for my last company I had constant desire to commit suicide because I was between two things one the job was horrible but it paid well. Quitting would make my parents disappointed. I did quit eventually and they were disappointed. I was unemployed from October 9th 2023 to 11th March 2024. I joined a job which paid less than my previous job but it was remote and the work pressure was less. My libido is no longer as high as it used to be. I have lost the desire to impress girls like I used to. I have lost the desire to have a relationship. I don't find joy in literally anything. This is not a very nice way to live. I am generally more scared nowadays. Scared to try anything and also extremely cautious. I used to be attractive to women nowadays it's no longer the case. It's natural because I am not taking care of myself anywhere. I am just existing. I can't sleep and have thoughts of my future and what awaits. I used to think getting a job would fix things. But it didn't. My last job paid really well but it didn't bring happiness. Neither did my current company. I am a person who visits the gym at least 4 days a week. Even working out didn't help me cure this. I have a general feeling that I have let my parents down. My brother made it in life but I couldn't and this disappoints my parents. I feel like a burden to my family. I wish I did well but due to my age I feel my time is limited. I experienced constant rejections for 7 months. Even now while looking for a job I am experiencing rejection while looking for a job. I started working out back in 2019 and I was very motivated but now that motivation is not there. I no longer push myself in the gym. I just turn up because I feel something is better than nothing. I used to eat healthy but most of my days eat unhealthy food even though I visit the gym. I loved watching football but even I lost watching that. Everything seems meaningless. One of the reasons for my desire to not marry or have a relationship is because of the increased number of girls cheating on their boyfriends. I also feel ashamed after quitting my high paying job and as a result I isolated myself. I ignored calls from my classmates and people from my last office. I believe most people enjoyed when I lost my job because I got one of the highest placement packages and people were jealous. I didn't want to explain my situation to these people so I ignored their messages and calls. Many of them even tried to visit my LinkedIn profile to figure out what I am doing at the moment. I felt extreme stress when I realised how much people wanted me to fail. I just feel, I destroyed my life. I constantly feel ugly as girls prefer tall guys and I am short so I feel even if a girl ends up being my girlfriend she might be attracted to someone taller and then cheat on me. I am not even rich that it would deter her from cheating. I feel my muscles are no longer attracting women like it used to do. Earlier Women checked me out in the streets but now nothing of that sort happens. I don't get validation from women anymore. I always did activities to get validation from girls like playing the guitar and gym. It was always about getting girls. I was never interested in doing it for my health. I liked the feeling when a girl used to look at me while she had a boyfriend. It gave me confidence. It made me feel handsome and good looking. The more girls stared at me the more confidence and calm I became. Girls desiring me was the only goal for me. I wanted to feel that I am good enough to be loved.