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calmWater6248
1,443 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts37 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2021 Member sinceJanuary 20, 2021
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Can’t tell if I’m just depressed or have a eating disorder...
Eating Disorder Support / by calmWater6248
Last post
 January 23rd, 2021
...See more It’s been a weird life. I never really thought about my weight much growing up. I was probably average until about right after high school when I relaxed more about food. I got into a long term relationship and packed on weight over the span of 9 years. 2019 I was finally a free bird again and slowly started losing weight as I became naturally more active. I was happy but it was still happening pretty passively. 2020 hit me like a brick and one broken collarbone later I went from 168 to 118. I didn’t think to much of it at first. I just wasn’t eating because I wasn’t “feeling hungry” because of the meds and things. I just got used to not eating, hating the feeling of throwing up and feeling nauseated from. I also started dating a partner that was a lot smaller than me in the middle of it all and while they were supportive of my weight they also had expressed that my size made them feel less masculine (we’re the same height). I guess I never forgot that because I started making conscious decisions not to eat so much. I’m starting to realize how little I’ve been eating and how much I still look into the mirror and hate my body. I see myself picking and poking the fat on my stomach and thinking in odd ways looking at food. I feel afraid that something is wrong in the way I’m thinking and processing things.
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