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clearnigntmoonlight
289 M Embraced 2
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceMarch 11, 2024
Bio

yo!! I'm Jeremy. I'm 16 yrs old, autistic, and super into music from the 60s/70s/80s. My family doesn't have the money for therapy and I'm too scared to tell them I'm feeling bad lol. I have a good relationship with my parents but there's some unresolved past stuff 

Recent forum posts
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What do I do? I relapsed again.
Self-Harm Recovery / by clearnigntmoonlight
Last post
 April 15th, 2024
...See more TW!! .  .  I relapsed again! Yay! Obvious sarcasm. Sorry, it's the only way I can handle it.  The past two years I've only done it once in the two Novembers. Why? I don't know. I've done it every year since I was like 11 (not exactly once a year in that same month. It's usually always different) and I haven't done it since November 2023. Until now. I don't know why I did it. I've been trying to convince myself not to for the past two months. But it seems the more I try to help myself or the more I try to get help from others, the more I want to do it. I feel like I want it but I know I don't. It hurts a lot. They aren't that bad though. I call them cat scratches because that's what they look like. I have a patch of toilet paper taped to my leg and I have school tomorrow so I'm just gonna have to sleep like that. It's very ugly because they are overlapping previous SH scars. I don't know why it is so appealing to me. Or why I find it "beautiful" sometimes What do I do? Indulging in my interests doesn't seem to help even though I love them dearly. I feel guilty for that fact. The fact it hasn't helped. Like I'm wronging something or someone because I'm doing this instead of trying to cope by watching my hyperfixation medias. I feel sort of sick. But when I go out tomorrow I know I will feel fine on the outside. I kind of don't have a choice. And I don't have anyone to tell either lol!!!! I am also extremely unmotivated to do anything, especially very important and required school work. But I can't let anyone know. If I talk to my school counselor the school will tell my parents and I can't have them going through that again.  So, yknow, again. What do I do? 
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High school relationship insecurities and being a transgender
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by clearnigntmoonlight
Last post
 March 13th, 2024
...See more crying right now lol I just wrote an essay of a thread here then accidentally clicked off because my hair is wet and hit the screen. Time to try again.  Hi. My name is Jeremy. I'm a sophomore in high school who has been insecure about my "relationship status" for 2-3 years. Feel free to reply to this thread with similar experiences or if you have any advice for me?? I know this isn't the stuff I should be worrying about at my age, but I think it's something all teens go through so... My turn lol!  Anyway, so... I dunno where to start lol. I forgot how I wrote this the first time. I've been single since I was 13, so for three years. (I wouldn't call any of my previous relationships actual dating though. Nothing serious. Just a label really.) And a few months after I got out of that relationship, I watched as all my friends were incredibly successful with their dating lives. And they still are! All of my friends are very attractive people who know their way around socially. They're charismatic even when they aren't. I don't know how they do it.  So I think I've gathered a few reasons why I am incredibly unsuccessful with my dating life in highschool. 1: Me. I am a transgendered person. I call myself a man. I go by a male name. I don't look anything like a man. I am overweight and my chest size is uncomfortably large and I cant do anything about it. I like having my hair long because it reminds me of 1970s and '80s musicians. 2: Attractiveness. Even if I wasn't transgender, I'm still a below average looking person. Plus, my voice is very annoying. People tell me I sound 5 years old over the phone. I also having a conventionally unusual personality. I am autistic and also have depression and anxiety. People commonly describe me as either "weird" or "boring". Which I understand. I don't mind it. But I definitely think it's a contributing factor. 3: My type. I like people WAY out of my league at my highschool (skinny, attractive guys and girls) or WAY older people (like in their 70s. Of course I wouldn't date them at my age, but I still find SOME of them attractive.) I've had teachers try to tell me that I'm just too insecure and that the people I like like me back, and that I'll never know if I don't try. But most the time you can just tell, yknow? I think they just feel bad for me and say that to try and make me feel better. It doesn't. It makes me feel worse about myself lol!!!!  My friends are more straight forward and tell me that I'm reaching too high. They are honest. That's what friends are for! But now I am stuck and sort of sad. Everyone else seems very happy! Even the people I meet online are in happy relationships. And I get to listen to them tell me how much fun they are having. It makes me feel very good about myself lmao!!  Okay, I'm gonna stop writing now. If you're reading this, have a nice day!! :) 
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Social Help
7 Cups Online Therapy / by clearnigntmoonlight
Last post
 March 11th, 2024
...See more Hi. My name's Jeremy. I just wanted to ask, to anyone, idk lol. How do I further develop my social skills? People call me introverted, and I used to agree. But now I think it's just that I never know what to say. If I could walk up to a stranger at my school and talk to them I would. But I don't know what to say! This goes for texting too. I've lurked in some chats on this site and everyone seems to have such an easy time responding and just saying whatever. I wish I could do that! I want to make more friends as well and my poor social skills always seem to get in the way. 
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