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conscientiousMoon9562
3 151 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceMarch 13, 2025
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I don’t know how to cope any other way.. please help me
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by conscientiousMoon9562
Last post
 August 2nd, 2025
...See more TW: Dog death, DV, Drug abuse, Fire. I have been using drugs since I (F25) was 14 years old. It started off with weed and Adderall. It progressed to almost anything I could get my hands on. Around 21 I discovered a benzo you could buy online at the time so it made it super accessible, and I went CRAZY with it. Ended up getting with a guy the same year who ended up choking me, holding me hostage, hitting me etc. We were together 4 years. During this, I smoked heavily. Took xanax too. We had gotten a dog together in the beginning. She was my whole world. My protector. She was the reason I stayed so long to be honest. I loved her so much. Well in November of 2024, I almost died. He drank a whole cup of alcohol and then held me down, choked me, yelled in my face (literally nose to nose) I barely got to my phone to call my mom to help me. She's the reason I'm alive today. He started running after my mom to her car, that gave me just enough time to put on clothes and grab my dog. He chased after us. He grabbed my baby girl and pulled her away from me then started to chase after me. I fortunately made it to the car, but I didn't have my dog. I tried to make peace with this, but 6 days later their house burnt and my dog died. My only source of happiness died. I am haunted by the thought of her wondering where I was because I had to leave for my safety. I have been abusing weed everyday, xanax once a week, those viva zen gas station pills occasionally. I do not feel good without being high. Its been about 9 months and everything still hurts. I don't function most days. What steps can anyone recommend to start getting away from coping with drugs? I need to do something different because I'm losing hope.
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Coping with attraction
Relationship Stress / by conscientiousMoon9562
Last post
 July 23rd, 2025
...See more Hey everyone. First time poster, but long time lurker. I (F25) have a history of dating men who manipulate, gaslight, physically abuse, and even cheat. They start off incredibly kind, and it's like something switches over night. It's led me to have my doubts and discomforts. I try my best to not let my mind get the best of me, but I overthink quite a bit. Recently, I unfortunately cannot recall how this came up in conversation but my bf of 8 months said to me that he would never date a ginger girl or a Japanese girl because he would probably date them for the wrong reasons. Then to put it lightly he states he's extremely attracted to them. He then stated that him and I actually had a lot in common. My reaction was quite embarrassing. I remembered all of the trauma I have from a similar situation in the past, and thought about how I don't have red hair or even dark hair. I sometimes catch him staring at risque photos or videos of dark headed women right beside me. Is this normal? Has anyone else been through similar? It honestly hurts my feelings so bad.
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