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convivialCucumber4650
1 120 M Embraced 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2026 Member sinceDecember 26, 2025
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any recovery programs besides AA/NA?
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by convivialCucumber4650
Last post
 January 7th
...See more the AA/NA meetings i go to in-person are heavily religious and/or cliquey, i’m gay and trans and have intense religious trauma so that’s not really great for me. i love the queer online meetings but am having a hard time finding a sponsor + staying on top of attending online meetings. what do yall recommend?
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TW: DV, SA. When am I going to stop being reminded?
Trauma Support / by convivialCucumber4650
Last post
 December 26th, 2025
...See more It’s been almost 8 months since my ex left my life after he ended up physically and SA me after years of dealing with mutual addiction and emotional abuse. I’m in therapy, I’m 8 months sober, I got into a very competitive job program and recently netted an amazing job from it, I’m actually really happy I’m doing really well now for myself. I still notice though that I’m hypervigilant for my ex — I had a panic attack yesterday because when I was walking up to a coffee stand, a guy in front of me had a similar coat and similar glasses and I thought: wouldn’t that be crazy if I saw him for the first time since he left and it ruins my Christmas! I don’t even know why seeing him scares me so badly but if I see a man who looks like him (hair, glasses, build, sometimes just vibes) I will end up freaking out and having to isolate myself (bathroom, car, empty aisle, etc) until I can calm down. This happens almost every time I go out and sometimes happens at my healthcare job. My coworkers thankfully are really understanding. I have dreams about him constantly (even with the PTSD night terror medication I’m on) where we reconnect and get back into a relationship, or he chastises me like he did in the past, or he has a new partner I don’t even know ??? like why would I care if he has a new partner? I don’t know if he has one or not, I blocked him on everything possible even spotify lol. I just woke up from a dream where he was chastising me AND making me feel bad by telling me he has a new partner and the dream got lucid for a sec because he started telling me in this dream that since I’m dreaming about this scenario so often it means I still love him and need to stop staying away from him. It’s so upsetting and I feel sick. I’m sick thinking of it. I just want this to go away
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