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convivialRaspberries444
93 M Embraced 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceMarch 7, 2016
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Abrupt Proposal
Relationship Stress / by convivialRaspberries444
Last post
 August 1st, 2016
...See more Here is my story. I have dated an amazing woman from another country for about three years now. She is a visiting professor of art. Her stay here would be limited without sponsorship. It was mostly great aside from concerns about our futures. Then, out of the blue and without warning everything turned upside down. At the end of June I took her and her friend on a camping trip that I had promised them. It was a good night and morning and I thought things were getting better for us. We were checked on by a Ranger. Exactly two weeks later one morning while at her place She said that she needed to talk to me. She said that she couldn't be my girlfriend anymore because that Ranger had asked her to marry him. He said that he would help her with her art career and move to wherever she wanted to live so she could do her art and go to Sedona with her, (which Is what we were going to do before she met him). The truth is, that all this is more than I could do for her being a poor guy with family problems. But I loved her and still do. At first I couldn't believe it. It was so abrupt. In time, as I realized what had happened I was overcame with depression and anger. Depressed because over losing a great connection. Then I would get angry that she would visit a guy one time and abandon a long relationship with a good connection. That she went on a coffee date with him while I was working the 4th of July weekend. That he had the audacity to propose to her over a coffee date and say he could make a better offer than her boyfriend (whom she informed him about)... that she has the whatever to agree to get married over a proposal during a coffee break... Its all mind boggling... She justified that she had asked me to marry her many times and I wasn't ready and she was running out of time. She won't get many more semesters teaching and she has lost her job in her home country and she truly needs help. It's true that I am not yet completely ready to marry her. I intended to marry her and was almost ready before this abrupt news. I DID plan to marry her. Losing someone that special that quickly is hard enough. What is more difficult and complicated is that she says she still loves me but will love me as a family member. She says is my "big sister" now. She wants me to keep in touch with me and know I am doing well. I am very confused. I enjoy hearing from her as I love her but then I remember she is not my girlfriend. Also, frequent contact is not appropriate with her anymore. If she no longer loved me or only wanted residencey it would be easier. But knowing that she wanted to be with me but had to move on to survive is too hard. I believe that she did what she had to (at least in her own mind). I hope she really does have feelings for that guy. I don't know what to do. I deleted/blocked all of her media and phone accounts except for my gmail so I would not be tempted to bother her. She was very upset. She asked me to restore all her contacts and stay in touch. I am just so confused and disoriented. That all this happened so fast. That I am supposed to entertain someone who loves two people. That I need to further contact with her as I try to get over her. That I will not have a future with the best connection of my life. I have never been so depressed. Trying not to cry in public. Struggling with tempting self destructive thoughts. Wanting to still love her after what happened. Please try to consider her motives and struggles before judging her and giving me advice. Thanks.
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Intro
Relationship Stress / by convivialRaspberries444
Last post
 November 6th, 2016
...See more Hello, I struggle with adult adhd and situational depression. Losing the one has put me in a deep depression. I will elaborate this week in the "Surviving Breakups" Thread. Thanks.
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