Intro

I am looking for someone who can help with self harm and suicidal thoughts.

Here's my back story:

(I have had no therapy or professional help, or a guidance counsellor). I started cutting a few years back, because I was never popular and didn't have friends and my mom was an alcoholic and I didn't have an outlet to channel my frustration. I was clean on October 30 2014. I didn't cut since, until a few days ago I snapped. My mother died a little over a year ago of heart failure and shortly after her death I was raped by an ex boyfriend. I am also struggling with bulimia. When my mother passed I was sent to live with my grandparents because my step dad didn't want to support me and my biological father has never been in the picture. My grandparents are very strict and don't let me do anything, I have a lot of household work and I always have to be an A student or they will yell, and scream and make me feel worthless, sometimes they hit me. This is a lot of stress on top of friend troubles, and boyfriend trouble- also grieving the death of my mom, and dealing with the rape. It's a lot on my plate. I did not report the guy who raped me, I no longer have any sort of contact with him. A few days ago I snapped and I started cutting and burning my legs and upper thighs. I freaked out and had a panic attack and I was scared that everyone would see them and hate me, or send me to a psychiatric ward so I started getting depressed so I went to my grandmas room and got a handful of sleeping pills and took them and passed out on the bathroom floor and hit my head, I'm obviously still alive. The next morning I went to my grandma and told her I need to go to the hospital and get help or go to dcafs (which is a children's counselling and help centre we have here) and she said no, and that its my own fault and I don't need help. I would just like to hear your opinion on what I should do, or some healthy coping strategies.