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courteousPark9641
1 83 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceJuly 25, 2020
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Porn relapse
Addiction Support / by courteousPark9641
Last post
 September 24th, 2020
...See more Hello, I relapsed into porn for the last 3 days. I was clean for 8 months before that. The urge is so powerful, before I knew it I was looking at the websites I used to go to. I tried to give myself some justification but kept going deeper into the abyss. Because, yes,it for me is an abyss : I am laser focused in it, it keeps me from doing other things, I am never satisfied and want more and more (until I masturbate to it), I retreat from the world for watching in secret, I feel sad after, delete everything saying to myself never again. But it doesn't work. It numbs my feelings and push me away for the things I want instead. It is so easy to access it. And I feel ashamed to talk about it. Plus it is for me a (very very poor) substitute for physical sex, which I have not experienced, but really want to have. How do I tame this beast inside me ? How can I accept that this relapse is a bump in my recovery ?
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Feeling lonely
Depression Support / by courteousPark9641
Last post
 July 27th, 2020
...See more Hello, Recently I have noticed that I feel lonely and started ruminating about it. I think about how it makes my life less good than it should be and limits it. Like the other day, on vacation, I went alone at the waterpark and couldn't do some slides because it was only for groups of two people. I felt sad. I then crave social interactions but can't find them. I have no friends, no girlfriend. I have some with my family, but it is mostly via text messages, I don't see them often. Having a girlfriend is something I especially desire. But I don't know how to do it IRL. I tried online dating, which was difficult, because I either didn't know what to say or kept looking for reasons not to message someone. I lack human contact.
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