Porn relapse
Hello,
I relapsed into porn for the last 3 days. I was clean for 8 months before that. The urge is so powerful, before I knew it I was looking at the websites I used to go to. I tried to give myself some justification but kept going deeper into the abyss.
Because, yes,it for me is an abyss : I am laser focused in it, it keeps me from doing other things, I am never satisfied and want more and more (until I masturbate to it), I retreat from the world for watching in secret, I feel sad after, delete everything saying to myself never again. But it doesn't work. It numbs my feelings and push me away for the things I want instead.
It is so easy to access it. And I feel ashamed to talk about it. Plus it is for me a (very very poor) substitute for physical sex, which I have not experienced, but really want to have.
How do I tame this beast inside me ? How can I accept that this relapse is a bump in my recovery ?
@courteousPark9641 Hi Park, welcome to the community. We are delighted to have you here with us, and I am so sorry to hear about the relapse. How are you doing? I hope you are doing better, and I appreciate you reaching out here and opening up to us. That takes great courage and strength. Recovery is different for everyone, but accepting one's relapse is a critical step forward. You are always welcome to chat with the listeners at any time if you ever need to speak with someone.
Feel free to also check out this site as an alternative support group: Daily Strength
If you haven't already, check out other threads in the forum to see what others have to share. Best wishes, and feel free to share any updates/let us know how you are doing at any time. You are stronger than you realize. We are here for you! :)
