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crimsonPenguin4888
1 98 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupTeen Last activeDecember, 2025 Member sinceDecember 3, 2025
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Random vent i guess? sorry if its hard to read
Self-Esteem / by crimsonPenguin4888
Last post
 December 4th, 2025
...See more I literally dont know what's wrong with me dude. I'm so ugly I've got crooked teeth bad skin and I'm chubby. I'm terrified that no guy will ever actually LOVE me i know im to young to be worried about that but its actually scary. I'm scared if I do find a relationship he'll see me in away I dont want him to and think I'm the most ugly disgusting person ever. Like SEX omg thats the scariest thought bro there are so many things i could do wrong, what if i make a weird sound or face and hes instantly put off? And tell everyone about it what if there some weird thing about my body idk about yet? Even just hugging is scary, and holding hands ive always had clamy hands what if that disgusting to him. I've tried to make myself look better, working out, make up, new styles but nothings changed. While trying to get better I've just started hating myself more. I'm growing apart from my friends now we all go to different schools and I see their posta in they're all confident and happy and I'm glad they are obviously but I feel so left behind,like what am I doing wrong? They've all grown and I'm still in the same place I was when I was 12. I only had 3 friends, ones moved to a different city, one is and online friend inused to go to school with before i switched schools but i dont want to tell him anything because hes a teen boy and i know not all teen boys are the same but his friends are the type to trick you into sending *** then leak them to the school and i dont think hes like that like i really do think hes different but im still not gonna risk it and my other friend we used to be so alike the good and bad stuff has got a whole new friend group and is so different now(I'm proud of her ofc) and I can't keep up. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm jealous I'm not i just dont know why I can't change like them. There are some positive thing that I have changed a little though I'm clean from sh for a couple weeks, I'm recovering from an ed, and i dont seek out attention from creepy guys for validation anymore (please dont judge me idk why i did that). But still i can't get over all these insecurities some times I'm having a good day and then I see myself in a reflection and its all ruined. I really wanna know if anyone else relates and if you have any advice? I really want to get better but idk how.
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Sh reasons? (Sorry this might be triggering I'm not sure)
Self-Harm Recovery / by crimsonPenguin4888
Last post
 January 18th
...See more I know most of us sh for the pain as a coping thing and that's how it started for me too. But its got to a point where it doesn't make me feel better from the pain like I don't really feel anything well it still hurts obviously but idk how to explain it like it hurts but like omg if yk what i mean then yeah. I have no idea how to put it in words but doing it is a visual thing whenever I see what I've done to myself its so relaxing like the same feeling when you've spent the whole day out and finally get into bed. Some times I just sit in bed staring at my cuts because it makes me feel good about myself. But I haven't done it in a hot minute and the old scars are fading and the "newer" cuts' scabs are gone and also not that visible, my skin doesn't scar easy at all no matter how deep I cut and now its making me feel like what I did wasn't valid. I really want to relapse because I miss being able to just see it all the time like in the shower, going to the bathroom, and just sitting in bed and pulling down my pants to see and now that I dont have anything to see its driving me crazy. And becauseim a 15y girl whenever i try to speak to people they assume im attention seeking. All these people tell me I'm an attention seeker or little baby and it makes me want to believe i guess but i know im.not doing it for that reason so idk why im saying this. I do everything i can to hide this from my family and friends because they've recovered and i feel stupid or left behind but thats a whole dif topic. I NEED to know what is wrong with me or if anyone knows what tf this means and if anyone else goes through this and how you cope please. I hope this isn't hard to read i can't be bothered doing proper paragraphs and things
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