Random vent i guess? sorry if its hard to read
I literally dont know what's wrong with me dude. I'm so ugly I've got crooked teeth bad skin and I'm chubby. I'm terrified that no guy will ever actually LOVE me i know im to young to be worried about that but its actually scary. I'm scared if I do find a relationship he'll see me in away I dont want him to and think I'm the most ugly disgusting person ever. Like SEX omg thats the scariest thought bro there are so many things i could do wrong, what if i make a weird sound or face and hes instantly put off? And tell everyone about it what if there some weird thing about my body idk about yet? Even just hugging is scary, and holding hands ive always had clamy hands what if that disgusting to him. I've tried to make myself look better, working out, make up, new styles but nothings changed. While trying to get better I've just started hating myself more. I'm growing apart from my friends now we all go to different schools and I see their posta in they're all confident and happy and I'm glad they are obviously but I feel so left behind,like what am I doing wrong? They've all grown and I'm still in the same place I was when I was 12. I only had 3 friends, ones moved to a different city, one is and online friend inused to go to school with before i switched schools but i dont want to tell him anything because hes a teen boy and i know not all teen boys are the same but his friends are the type to trick you into sending *** then leak them to the school and i dont think hes like that like i really do think hes different but im still not gonna risk it and my other friend we used to be so alike the good and bad stuff has got a whole new friend group and is so different now(I'm proud of her ofc) and I can't keep up. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm jealous I'm not i just dont know why I can't change like them. There are some positive thing that I have changed a little though I'm clean from sh for a couple weeks, I'm recovering from an ed, and i dont seek out attention from creepy guys for validation anymore (please dont judge me idk why i did that). But still i can't get over all these insecurities some times I'm having a good day and then I see myself in a reflection and its all ruined. I really wanna know if anyone else relates and if you have any advice? I really want to get better but idk how.
@crimsonPenguin4888
I’m really sorry that you’ve been experiencing these disturbing thoughts. It’s entirely common at your age to feel insecure about your body, relationships, and how others may see you. You’re already working on yourself — recovering from your ED, staying clean from SH, and avoiding unsafe people. These are real improvements, even if they feel small.
You don’t have to change overnight. Tiny steps each day can help you heal. Comparing yourself with others can trigger these feelings, so try to focus on your own journey. We are all beautiful in the way nature has made us, and real love is never based on physical appearance.
You are not abnormal. You are not behind. You’re growing day by day, and you will gradually overcome these insecurities. I hope you find peace and comfort soon.