crosschord Member Profile

...See more I'm probably just repeating what others on the forum have said, but I don't have anywhere else to go. If I post on Facebook or Twitter that I'm depressed and need someone to talk to, no one is there for me. I'm there for others, but my friends can't seem to return the favor once in a while. I'm sure if I had a physical injury or had to have surgery or something everyone would be so sympathetic and willing to do something (which I doubt). I could have a gun to my head, and my friends wouldn't give a damn. I could disappear without a trace and people wouldn't notice. I guess my problems aren't valid or I'm just an attention seeker or whatever. My boss called me a little over two months ago to tell me that my job doesn't have the money to keep me on so now I'm "on call." I've been in once to work since then. I decided to take the time and finally open my Etsy shop. I've told people about it, spread the word, been told my stuff is cute, but haven't really sold anything. I'm trying to come up with other things to sell, but it's hard when people don't tell me what they're interested in. I have money to pay bills, and did a short temp job for two weeks, but the money won't last forever. I've been looking for a job to get me through the holidays. I put in applications, went to an interview, but haven't heard anything yet. I called the one place I interviewed at but they just apologized for taking so long and said they'd call soon. Meanwhile, I go online and see all my friends happy and successful and going places and having everything thrown at them and I'm just.....gutter trash. I'm nothing. I went back to school to study what I love, and now I'm regretting that choice. I can't get a job in my field because my friends keep getting offered the available jobs. I don't mind working retail again, but I went back to school to get out of it and improve myself. I guess I can't be improved. I don't know what to do anymore. All I want to do is lay in bed and not do anything. It's all I'm good at. I can't get anywhere in life, I can't get anyone to give a damn, I try and improve my life and I can't. I'd go back to school again but I don't know what to study. I'd probably fail at that too. It's all I am. A failure. I'm tired of being told that things will look up, that "everything happens for a reason." I'm a waste of space and probably shouldn't be around anymore. All I'm doing now is convincing myself why I shouldn't exist. It'd be better for everyone. Not like anyone will notice me gone.

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