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curtreed
1 109 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceMay 7, 2023
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Just be normal? Why didn’t I think of that?!
20 & Over / by curtreed
Last post
 May 12th, 2023
...See more If anyone wants to stick around after the show we can break down the meanings and reasons we feel as tho caused things to unfold as the did. But first I have a problem I don’t have time to paint a back story but I need to find a place to live in 6 days or I’m homeless, I already haven’t seen my son in two years (even tho I have legal joint unenforced custody) and I struggle with that and being homeless doesn’t scare me not having my little girls every weekend in these hard times that are being unreasonably cruel, with this inconceivable reality of being alone with no one helping me. And not that I give to get but I’ve given so much to so many for so long that it doesn’t make sense how or why no one is willing to help and the two people I asked for helps response is definitely going to change me when I have to process could be traumatized by it could be something that makes me refuse to lose ever again idk yet but what I do know is I and tired of failing I’m tired of trying so incredibly hard and the can do will to no quit attitude just ain’t enough in my situation please help me build a course of action that works with my reality and unless absolutely necessary put me and my girls together on weekends without me having to swallow a hard truth like I have to not show up for awhile in order to show up for good. I swear I’m so over being so helpless to defend myself and to “deserve” the rite to be a father. Or else and try regulating them emotions in a healthy manner when the people dehumanizing you litterally are where they’re at because of me and have what they have because of me. And the god damn audacity is like a bulls hatred towards me teredos painfully red weapon of mass disrespectfully using information to attack me and make sure it’s personal. On 115 degree day after you get your fuckimg ball crushed by some *** smacking them with a rubber band because if you poke a bear enough time everyone knows the bear clearly deserves to die for biting you like a bear would because he’s a *** bear…. What’s happening to sucks but what’s happening to men I’m sorry but I pray every currupy judge that makes profitable choices deserves suffering for willingly be okay with to hurt a child like so
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Altruistic nightmare
ADHD Support / by curtreed
Last post
 May 7th, 2023
...See more My life is yet again in a state of survival mode. And I’m out of answers. Well at least answers that show a sign of it being possible to not have to accept my reality and be okay with being mentally destroyed and devalued and having my character slandered and children used to extort me and keep me from being able to afford anything by charging me more money to have no money i have no ego and have had enough trauma in my life that most people couldn’t fathom and harbor no hate or blame desire no acknowledgment or apology from anyone, I don’t deny anything I’ve done wrong in my life and not only hold myself accountable but make efforts to educate and grow from it to ensure it does become a habit. I’ve been used abused and accused by just about everyone in my life so it’s painfully easy to use my Adhd along with one sided defenses that are validated only by someone else who also did me wrong, to paint me to be a narcissist, or just simply lazy, or can’t get over someone who left me in the most disrespectful ways and turn people against me that wouldn’t matter to me but it’s preventing me from being able to work somewhere or hang out with someone or ask for help and be trusted and I keep asking for proof from anyone who can talk *** on me while point and making a joke out of me failing over and over and. I just can’t break the cycle and all the advice I get is like well I understand you can’t see but have you talked to your dentist about what anti fungal power is best for your feet. And then I become the bear that needs to get put down because some entitled brat or self proclaimed “real man” wanna poke and poke and poke until the can use reactive abuse to make it make sense to end my life for not benefiting everyone else’s on account of having nothing left to give. The courts do nothing to help or protect my rights or my childrens best interest I have no family to help because they’re all so *** up and unwilling to Amit that maybe just because I’ve proved what I’m capable of doing in crisis auto pilot mode and claim to not be able to do the simplest of things to fix my life isn’t so absurd that I have to be lying, about having my made up mental illness that only duck ups claim to have. (Mind you, I’ve never *** up) 32 no criminal record no points on my license arrested once for a dui that I later blew a zero because I had red eyed after coming home after my second full time jobs work day and even then was punished for doing what I had to to to provide and survive and slapped with a 3 year survharge lawyer fees and court cost that tan me about 6k in total. I’m fuckimg tired and I’ll be homeless in 6 days if I don’t get it together but also *** it why bother rite?
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