Altruistic nightmare

My life is yet again in a state of survival mode. And I’m out of answers. Well at least answers that show a sign of it being possible to not have to accept my reality and be okay with being mentally destroyed and devalued and having my character slandered and children used to extort me and keep me from being able to afford anything by charging me more money to have no money i have no ego and have had enough trauma in my life that most people couldn’t fathom and harbor no hate or blame desire no acknowledgment or apology from anyone, I don’t deny anything I’ve done wrong in my life and not only hold myself accountable but make efforts to educate and grow from it to ensure it does become a habit. I’ve been used abused and accused by just about everyone in my life so it’s painfully easy to use my Adhd along with one sided defenses that are validated only by someone else who also did me wrong, to paint me to be a narcissist, or just simply lazy, or can’t get over someone who left me in the most disrespectful ways and turn people against me that wouldn’t matter to me but it’s preventing me from being able to work somewhere or hang out with someone or ask for help and be trusted and I keep asking for proof from anyone who can talk *** on me while point and making a joke out of me failing over and over and. I just can’t break the cycle and all the advice I get is like well I understand you can’t see but have you talked to your dentist about what anti fungal power is best for your feet. And then I become the bear that needs to get put down because some entitled brat or self proclaimed “real man” wanna poke and poke and poke until the can use reactive abuse to make it make sense to end my life for not benefiting everyone else’s on account of having nothing left to give. The courts do nothing to help or protect my rights or my childrens best interest I have no family to help because they’re all so *** up and unwilling to Amit that maybe just because I’ve proved what I’m capable of doing in crisis auto pilot mode and claim to not be able to do the simplest of things to fix my life isn’t so absurd that I have to be lying, about having my made up mental illness that only duck ups claim to have. (Mind you, I’ve never *** up) 32 no criminal record no points on my license arrested once for a dui that I later blew a zero because I had red eyed after coming home after my second full time jobs work day and even then was punished for doing what I had to to to provide and survive and slapped with a 3 year survharge lawyer fees and court cost that tan me about 6k in total. I’m fuckimg tired and I’ll be homeless in 6 days if I don’t get it together but also *** it why bother rite?