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daisyjane89
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PathStep 14 Compassion hearts25 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceJanuary 14, 2026
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No longer able to see my therapist
Grief & Loss / by daisyjane89
Last post
 July 27th
...See more This may be an unconventional, or uncommon, kind of loss and I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this. Please remove if necessary. I won't attempt to not take responsibility for my role in why I can no longer see my therapist. I did send her an email requesting to no longer work with her. I was also quite angry with myself at the time for feeling like I was not doing enough to help myself and then I turned that anger on her where I got mad at her for not doing more to help me. This resulted in me being in a fairly self-destructive frame of mind which led to sending the email. I did note this to her several times and that I might feel different once I returned to a more baseline frame of mind. None of that is meant to excuse anything I said and is just meant to provide information on the situation. Unfortunately, I never got to have a conversation about any of this with her as she replied to my email and told me we were done working together. She also has refused to respond to any of my attempts to try to explain, make amends, or better understand what exactly happened. This was not the first time I had pushed her away and later wanted her back, nor was this the first time I expressed concerns about us working together. Neither of these seemed to have been a problem before so I've been left really confused as to why this time was different. My stance about no longer working with her also did change before she responded, as I anticipated. I didn't say anything about feeling different and that I still wanted to work with her, but maybe I should have. I was trying not to be annoying by sending another email and thought it was better to just wait for her to reply. Since receiving her email Monday morning, I have felt lost, hurt, confused, and deeply sad. I would do anything right now to hear from her, just to understand her decision more if nothing else. I've begrudgingly conceded at this point that I will not be hearing from her at all and part of me feels I deserve that. It doesn't help with the waves of sadness and tears that keep coming knowing that I can no longer work with her and that I have no one to blame but myself. The thought of working with someone else feels impossible right now. I don't trust myself to not say something wrong or incorrectly again and hurt someone else in the process. I also don't think I'm willing to be open and honest with another therapist right now because I don't trust my own words and actions nor do I trust that they won't end up hurting me, again. I know I struggle to communicate with people often and I say things wrong. This situation only seems to be reinforcing those thoughts. I already feel like I'm failing in this post to communicate what happened and how I feel. It seems to read as defensive, whiny, or like I'm playing the victim, instead of conveying the facts, taking responsibility for my part, and still being hurt and confused by her part. I think we both got hurt in this situation quite frankly but I have no way to confirm if that is true. I also have no way to know what part of what I did was the issue or what her thinking was so that I can learn and change my words and/or behavior. I'm just sad and feeling extra alone again. I've already been reverting back to trying to lean on my mother again which I know is a lost cause because she has never been a support person for me. I don't really have anyone else though. I have 1 friend but she is drowning in her own life stressors so she does not have the ability to offer support right now and I understand. I know I should find another therapist but that feels too scary for many reasons and just not a realistic option right now. I'm not really open to the idea and I don't want to waste their time by trying to force myself to do what I "should" do. I don't really know what I'm really trying to say at this point. I'm sad, hurt, confused, and feeling alone. I don't know if others can really relate to this or not. I'm hesitant to even post this with how bad it reads to me. To put it simply, I messed up pretty bad, am dealing with the consequences of my actions, but also really hurting and upset.
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How do you get through the hard days when you have no one?
Depression Support / by daisyjane89
Last post
 June 3rd
...See more Today is another hard day. There is a lot going on in my life and around me in the lives of those I care about, all of which is negatively impacting my depression and other things I struggle with. It seems that without a constant, or near constant, stream of distractions, activities, or tasks, I get sucked back into the darkness in my mind. Its been this way for over 20 years now. Meds don't seem to work for me sadly but I keep trying. I'm in therapy too but my therapist is the only person I have that I can talk to about the darkness and hard days. I have essentially no family and my only friend is drowning in her own struggles. I don't know where else to turn so I came here. I don't usually use places like this for all they can offer but feeling so low and alone and wishing I had someone I could talk to right now seemed like a good reason to try here. I don't know what else to really say but I'm willing to share more if anyone has any questions. Thanks for reading/listening.
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