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daoltabo
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts53 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceJune 14, 2023
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On the pursuit of reclaiming my relationship with art.


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(TW: PTSD Mention) Anyone else have a particular problem with the process of creating art being a PTSD trigger?
Trauma Support / by daoltabo
Last post
 July 17th, 2023
...See more Reaching out here in part because I was recommended to check this community out as potentially having anyone that could relate to this. Going to make a specific effort to not get in detail in order to maintain a lighter tone. It's been about 9 years for me. For the most part, I've worked through a lot of things for myself. Writing has been incredible for me, absolutely incredible. I had a series of experiences happen while I was drawing that have hindered me for those nine years. About 75% of the time it results in flashbacks and episodes, and the other 25% I'm generally sleeping the rest of the day. This has been something I've tried to work on well on my own for a while with little result. Did go to therapy at one point about this, but lost my job during that time and haven't been able to really pursue that again. Not even looking for intense advice or anything, but the absolute only thing that I've found helps with this is being in a call or with friends, talking actively. It's something about the specific "zen" state of mind when I get deeper into art that results in hard flashbacks. Actually have this problem gaming with more monotonous periods. Like the brain just defaults there. I think I just want to know if there' anyone else that relates to this. It's visual arts so specifically, despite music, despite environment, despite medium, and I really, really want to reclaim it for myself. I think I'm just largely... exasperated that the only advice in this camp is purely in how art helps one move through trauma, which I hard agree with, but what about when the process of art in of itself is the trauma? When things happened?
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Having problems with the process of making art as a PTSD trigger.
Trauma Support / by daoltabo
Last post
 June 14th, 2023
...See more Hey, new member, new individual on this website. I'm posting because I'm a little bit... at my wit's end with this specific problem. It's a topic I once was going to therapy for as I actually have the bulk of a lot of my triggers and particular neuroticisms under wrap, but this is the one area I've never been able to reclaim. The very short and not oversharing context lies in that I've had a wide range of experiences relevant to my art both from a home life and a social perspective that have resulted in some. Pretty awful things. I find that when I try to do art, my brain, unlike nearly every other friend of mine who has been through extremely similar traumatic experiences even relevant and related to their art, consistently gets so steeped up in the recreation and re-experiencing of those instances that my self-confidence plummets, my sense of self and any work I've done on myself seems moot, and art, often, seems to be this backslide downwards. Every single time I ever try to find discussion on art and its relationship with trauma, I find that it's this discussion of how art helps people move through trauma and process it, and maybe I still have more to process, but in a day-to-day and even personal level, I feel incredibly sound and confident both talking on these instances, advising others, and moving forward with my life. Until I start drawing. It's to about a 75% rate that my brain will just... spiral when I draw. And a part of me maybe just. Wants to know if anyone else has experienced this. I'm so grateful to have a lot of peers and even, when I could afford it, therapy to help me through the bulk of my issues, but this specific issue has been the one that's been eating me alive. It's like the last thing I've never been able to address. I don't believe there is a such thing as becoming the person you once were, but in becoming who you are now, owning it, and accepting that. And I think I do successfully live with those ideals. I can't... I don't know if I can stand the idea anymore that art's been lost to me though. I try so much, I try to draw, I've tried in different rooms, different mediums, with different music, with different goals, both vent art and purely simple drawings, and it just keeps devolving to the same point. The moment I get to this particular "mental space" where I'm in a somewhat zone-out, it all just explodes into my head, is particularly upsetting and as if I'm reliving it, and it just makes the entire process so miserable. For so many people, art seems to be the way to either process or escape those problems, but for me, every time I return to art, it's like I'm reliving it all over again. So... whether it's a simple "Hey, me too." or it's advice? Honestly. Anything would be welcome.
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