(TW: PTSD Mention) Anyone else have a particular problem with the process of creating art being a PTSD trigger?
Reaching out here in part because I was recommended to check this community out as potentially having anyone that could relate to this. Going to make a specific effort to not get in detail in order to maintain a lighter tone.
It's been about 9 years for me. For the most part, I've worked through a lot of things for myself. Writing has been incredible for me, absolutely incredible. I had a series of experiences happen while I was drawing that have hindered me for those nine years. About 75% of the time it results in flashbacks and episodes, and the other 25% I'm generally sleeping the rest of the day. This has been something I've tried to work on well on my own for a while with little result. Did go to therapy at one point about this, but lost my job during that time and haven't been able to really pursue that again.
Not even looking for intense advice or anything, but the absolute only thing that I've found helps with this is being in a call or with friends, talking actively. It's something about the specific "zen" state of mind when I get deeper into art that results in hard flashbacks. Actually have this problem gaming with more monotonous periods. Like the brain just defaults there. I think I just want to know if there' anyone else that relates to this. It's visual arts so specifically, despite music, despite environment, despite medium, and I really, really want to reclaim it for myself. I think I'm just largely... exasperated that the only advice in this camp is purely in how art helps one move through trauma, which I hard agree with, but what about when the process of art in of itself is the trauma? When things happened?
@daoltabo
Hey daoltabo,
thank you for sharing your experience. I'm happy to hear that writing has helped you in your healing journey. It's interesting to hear that drawing and gaming monotonously triggers flashbacks in you. It makes sense to me that it's more about the state of mind than about what exactly you do. As someone with cPTSD, I tend to always distract myself to not fall into such states of mind, so I feel like I can kind of relate. When I want to draw, I mostly watch some videos or at least listen to music at the same time. Does that have an effect on you?
You said that you'd like to talk about it with people who might know what it feels like. Have you considered joining one of our weekly discussions? You can find the schedule here.
Take care,
audienta
@daoltabo yup, it sucks. I try to let the nasty stuff work through me to overcome, it will just keep coming up if you ignore it from my perspective. I've included exercises I don't care for just to work with that "block". Again, personality I can't get around the forest, I have to go through it. It has abated a bit, I tried "neurographic" art recently without knowing what it is, just bc I wanted to work on something. Explains a bit more now to me but I wish you the best in however you can overcome. You are not alone
@daoltabo - I can relate a little as I am triggered while writing paper-to-pen, so journaling and etc is really intensely difficult for me. I am hoping to work through this in the next couple years with my therapist, but I know it will be difficult. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.