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diplomaticAvocado1390
293 M Embraced 2
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts41 Forum posts25 Forum upvotes39 Current upvotes39 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceAugust 15, 2019
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Idk who i am
General Support / by diplomaticAvocado1390
Last post
 March 6th, 2023
...See more I dont know who i actually am. I think i tend to mimic whoever i spend the most time around or whoever i admire (this includes their mannerisms, vocabulary, the way they carry themselves,etc.) I find i have a hard time forming my own opinion on things and i need to seek others approval to make sure its the "correct" opinion. (Like what??). Ive found that i struggle to feel comfortable around others and i have a hard time fitting in. I feel like im just a lump of flesh when im on my own. I see ppl that make me think "i want to be them - theyre so cool." I dont feel satisfied with any of my own accomplishments and i dont belive that im particularly smart or have anything remotely good to offer. I wonder if this is just part of growing up or not. If anyone has advice to "find myself" and be my own person, id really appreciate it.
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I want to reset my life
Anxiety Support / by diplomaticAvocado1390
Last post
 March 7th, 2023
...See more 24(f) ive currently live at home with my parents and im struggling to find a decent job that would pay for me to live on my own. I feel lost and confused and overwhelemed and unsatisified and i feel like i want to reset my life. I dont know how to do that or if it would even help me feel better. I just feel like im in a rut and i want to get out. I dont have any friends close enough to talk to about things and my parents r kind of dismissive of my feelings. Anyone have any advice?
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I dont know what these thoughts are
Trauma Support / by diplomaticAvocado1390
Last post
 August 23rd, 2022
...See more TW: bad sexual encounter . A few years ago, I was a sophmore in college. I was part of the swim team and lived in a dorm with one of my teammates. We would go to parties and the usual college stuff but it was just that, some drinking and then wed go home. I believe she had a boyfriend at the time, so she was away for the weekend. I had a hard time with feeling of loneliness throughout college and had desires of having a boyfriend, but never really wanting sex. I grew up where my mom essentially put so much shame on it. I grew scared of sex so even in the present i try to avoid anything related to it. I dont like the thought of it. It makes me feel gross. Anyway, my roommate was away for the weekend and i had met this guy at a party. We exchanged snapchats and would message eachother every now and then. It was clearly just a booty call, i like the attention. I ended up posting a story saying that i was hungry and asking if anyone wanted to come over. Of course, he replied. I invited him over and figured we would just hang out and eat snacks and watch a movie... He was touching my thigh and my hair throughout the movie, and it ended up escalated as he continued getting more intimate with his hands. He was nice and asked if i wanted to do it, and i agreed, even thought deep down I didnt want to. I think i was curious but still scared. I was tense and pretending to like it the whole time. It ended as quickly as it had started. I think about it often even 4 years later and still cant make sense of it. I wanted to see if anyome had thoughts on how to get the negative thoughts out of my head. They are very disruptive whenever I remember this event, but i still feel guilty. Like i cant be upset about it. I told him it was fine. He did everything right, he checked in more than once. All he wanted was sex and we never spoke again. How can i stop thinking about this.
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How to get rid of anxiety pains(?)
Anxiety Support / by diplomaticAvocado1390
Last post
 July 18th, 2022
...See more Every now and then, i experience these pains throughout my body... Sometimes these seem random, most times, its when im feeling anxious or sad about something. Its been a few years since i noticed them, but I only recently considered the possibility of it being related to anxiety. Perhaps its adrenaline? Or could it be my muscles tensing up? Im not sure. It's a very unoque feeling that i dont notice at other times during my day to day life. Regardless of what it is, its very uncomfortable. It's almost like a really intense skin crawling feeling but like.... If it was my muscles. Idk. I really want to find a way to stop it. It has become extremely disruptive and upsetting but ive notcied that as soon as i become aware of it, it gets worse. It usually sticks around for a while until i become distracted by something. Does anyone else experience this? Is there anyway i can stop this from happening? Thanks in advance.
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