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discreetBlueberry
1,898 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 26 Compassion hearts48 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes25 Current upvotes25 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2020 Member sinceMarch 18, 2018
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Dealing with my depression
Depression Support / by discreetBlueberry
Last post
 June 21st, 2018
...See more Before I start, I just want to say that my "depression" is undiagnosed. I've never been to a doctor and haven't told anyone about this. This is mostly because I feel guilty about the whole thing. I feel guilty about wanting pity, and I feel guilty about struggling when there are so many people who have it worse than me. Since February, I've been feeling very lost and alone, and in March I went through a period where I was very suicidal. I even... hurt myself once, but I don't like to think about that. I don't know how I got from March to here, but somehow I did. I think it was a mixture of distracting myself and wallowing in self-pity. I didn't study for high school finals as much as I should have because I haven't had any energy at all lately. And I've already wasted a month of my summer break doing absolutely nothing. It makes me feel even more helpless and confused because I shouldn't be feeling this way when my life is technically so...perfect. I live in a house and my family loves me, yet I still can't drag myself out of this ditch I've dug. Basically, I want help. I don't ever want to lay on the floor of my closet, wanting to die. But I don't want to reach out for therapy or anything because things will never be the same. I don't want to change the way people think of me. I don't want to seem weak or selfish for wanting pity. But that's hard when every couple days thoughts of suicide creep back from the depths of my brain where I've pushed them. What can I do? I don't want to tell anyone because that will only make me feel worse.
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Suicidal
Depression Support / by discreetBlueberry
Last post
 March 21st, 2018
...See more I've been really suicidal lately and this weekend I took out a knife and tried to hurt myself. Now I have this cut on my hand that's been haunting me. Why am I feeling this way? I've never been suicidal or had depression and now it came on all of a sudden. It's scary and I don't have anyone irl that I can go to.
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Speech
Student Support / by discreetBlueberry
Last post
 March 20th, 2018
...See more I have a school speech tomorrow. I procrastinated just like I always do. Now I have a half-written (not even that) speech and a poster that's incorrect because the website was wrong. Getting a new poster and writing a new speech. 18 hours before I have to give the speech :/ Don't even make me THINK about memorizing it........... Wish me luck :P
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