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dqwn
1 65 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceOctober 14, 2023
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I’m out of words.
Depression Support / by dqwn
Last post
October 9th, 2024
...See more At this point, I don’t know if I should continue college and living in my country. Sure, I do have friends, but I always feel alone. Also, I don’t want to bother them. I can’t help but feel like I’m only a fly to these friends, and a burden. That’s kinda why I don’t text them much. Some noticed, but none of them truly care. They don’t spam me, and I’d love that. It would make me feel like I actually matter. I don’t matter. I’m just a disposable group of cells, who people reject. People reject me as a friend. Also, there is absolutely no chance of having a wife and kids…now I do understand that you can’t be friends with everyone, but when the result is always rejection, I’m convinced that something is up. I just don’t know what is up. I would text my friends, but I would be bothering them and wasting their precious time doing so. Nobody truly understands me. I’ve only been talking to girls because I feel more feminine and I don’t click with males, due to this. I’m struggling with college, with family, with employment, and with friendships and my romantic relationship. I would totally go for therapy but it’s too expensive and my free therapy ended. I just want to forget all my troubles…
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I’m tired of this rejection shit by NTs.
Autism Support / by dqwn
Last post
October 15th, 2023
...See more Where do I even begin with this?? I’ve tried countless times to make new friends since middle school and all the time these people reject me. They’d much rather talk and be friends with their own groups than to talk to my *** ***. Why? It’s simple, actually. It’s because they know I’m *** and are ableist. They are DISGUSTED with the thought of being friends with a ***. They know I’m a *** autistic boy. Special ed stupid ***. They know these things, and reject me because of these. That’s despite the fact that I go above and beyond with being a friend. The ones who don’t reject me give me the bare *** minimum. They also leave me anyway, which makes talking to them pointless and a waste of time and energy. Before you call this offensive, I’m autistic and in special ed, therefore I am allowed to say “***” and “special ed.” I’m literally a reject. People reject me friendship-wise and romantically. Workplaces reject me all the time. I got no job, no romantic partner, no car, no driver’s license, no friends. I’m such a *** loser. I mask 24/7 and these people STILL reject me. My so-called friends tell me *** like “they’re not social” “they are not good at making friends” “maybe you’re incompatible with them.” Ok. Based on what happened over several years, I guess I’m not compatible with any NT. That sucks *** because the majority of people are NT. Guess I can’t be friends with most people. All of this makes me wish there was a cure for autism. I would hunt it down and use it. I hate having autism. It’s the worst thing I ever had. It gives me limitations. Imagine being unable to detect and understand all social cues and body language. That’s so sad and pathetic. That’s a basic thing that all humans should be able to do with no effort. People are terrible and they suck. I even tossed my old self away in the garbage bin. While doing that, I rewired my brain permanently, as well as permanently changing who I am. Despite all of this, I still get rejected at a 99% rate. I’m sick of this. Why does this happen to me, and nobody else?
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