I’m tired of this rejection shit by NTs.
Where do I even begin with this?? I’ve tried countless times to make new friends since middle school and all the time these people reject me. They’d much rather talk and be friends with their own groups than to talk to my *** ***. Why? It’s simple, actually. It’s because they know I’m *** and are ableist. They are DISGUSTED with the thought of being friends with a ***. They know I’m a *** autistic boy. Special ed stupid ***. They know these things, and reject me because of these. That’s despite the fact that I go above and beyond with being a friend. The ones who don’t reject me give me the bare *** minimum. They also leave me anyway, which makes talking to them pointless and a waste of time and energy. Before you call this offensive, I’m autistic and in special ed, therefore I am allowed to say “***” and “special ed.” I’m literally a reject. People reject me friendship-wise and romantically. Workplaces reject me all the time. I got no job, no romantic partner, no car, no driver’s license, no friends. I’m such a *** loser. I mask 24/7 and these people STILL reject me. My so-called friends tell me *** like “they’re not social” “they are not good at making friends” “maybe you’re incompatible with them.” Ok. Based on what happened over several years, I guess I’m not compatible with any NT. That sucks *** because the majority of people are NT. Guess I can’t be friends with most people. All of this makes me wish there was a cure for autism. I would hunt it down and use it. I hate having autism. It’s the worst thing I ever had. It gives me limitations. Imagine being unable to detect and understand all social cues and body language. That’s so sad and pathetic. That’s a basic thing that all humans should be able to do with no effort. People are terrible and they suck. I even tossed my old self away in the garbage bin. While doing that, I rewired my brain permanently, as well as permanently changing who I am. Despite all of this, I still get rejected at a 99% rate. I’m sick of this. Why does this happen to me, and nobody else?
I’ve been feeling similarly honestly even though i try not to be pessimistic it’s so hard to interact with a world that is built around people who you don’t understand and who don’t understand you. I think at the end of the day you will be better off trying to unmask and just do what brings you the most joy, there are NT people who will accept you as you are and also a good amount of autistic people in the world who get it even if we are a minority. The most important first step is to be gentle and kind to yourself even if (especially if) others aren’t. It’s true that at the end of the day all we have is ourselves and even more true for autistic people who have trouble connecting, you have to be your own best friend and cheerleader to get through these lonely times of rejection. get to know yourself as best as you can, what you need in a friend and what kind of friend you want to be