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echo1412
869 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 31 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2023 Member sinceOctober 31, 2019
Bio

Hello. My hobbies are playing mobile game, reading fan fictions, writing and drawing. I'm sometimes stuck with negative thought and feel hopeless most of the time. But I'm still holding on, so maybe that's good enough.

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college & anxiety
Anxiety Support / by echo1412
Last post
 November 8th, 2019
...See more Hello, thank you for reading this thread. I wish you have a great week.... If it's not because I'm so desperate in it, I don't think I will post anything in the community section. But, I'm so desperate here. I have a deadline of paper for an international conference in less than a week. However, everytime I tried to read a journal article, I began to breathe faster, my chest hurt and my mind went straight into catasthropic thought. I've been having headache recently. The headache last for days. I've never experienced this kind of persistent headache before. When I've calmed down, the headache lessen. But, I have to start on my paper soon. I've been procrastinating for two weeks now. I run out of time. I can't procrastinate any longer. Before anyone say something like, "It's your own fault for procrastinating," I have a reason for that. I hate to procrastinate, but how can I face my paper when everytime I tried to face it I wanted to cry. I've been crying almost every day because of this. I'm so tired, but maybe I deserve it, haha. After all, maybe I haven't tried enough. I'm afraid to discuss it with my lecturer because he will be disappointed since I haven't made any progress. I don't know what I want to write for my paper. I'm so stupid. I've become one of the stupidest student in class since I tried to put my priority in somewhere else. I'm struggling with my change of value. I don't really want to enter graduate program to begin with. I've been trying to change my point of view about my life. I tried to stop dedicating my entire life for "good grade" in academic. I tried new things. Step by step. I've been struggling to accept that I'm really here, in graduate school. I have to face it, I 've to graduate from here, I can't just give up because my parents have paid my tuition and it's a huge number. But this f*cking program!!! My lecturer forced us to sign for a program where my uni will pay for our research as long as we're able to publish a scopus indexed journal. It was so sudden. She expected us to have a topic for the paper in less than a week. I was even more frustrated when my lecturer signed me with a lecturer whose specialty is in history, politic and diplomacy when I don't have any interest in any of them at all. It's my fault that I didn't tried to explain it. I'm bad in explaining. I'm not good with public speaking. And at that time I was still trying to accept that I'm really in graduate school. And here am I, keep making excuses.... I'm so sorry. I should try again. I don't know how, though. Can... someone help me...? I can't just give up.... My family is really caring. They are my life. I refuse to give my life for a f*cking uni. No... I'm so sorry. I'll delete this thread if it's so disturbing. Thank you very much....
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