college & anxiety
Hello, thank you for reading this thread. I wish you have a great week....
If it's not because I'm so desperate in it, I don't think I will post anything in the community section. But, I'm so desperate here. I have a deadline of paper for an international conference in less than a week. However, everytime I tried to read a journal article, I began to breathe faster, my chest hurt and my mind went straight into catasthropic thought. I've been having headache recently. The headache last for days. I've never experienced this kind of persistent headache before. When I've calmed down, the headache lessen. But, I have to start on my paper soon. I've been procrastinating for two weeks now. I run out of time. I can't procrastinate any longer. Before anyone say something like, "It's your own fault for procrastinating," I have a reason for that. I hate to procrastinate, but how can I face my paper when everytime I tried to face it I wanted to cry. I've been crying almost every day because of this. I'm so tired, but maybe I deserve it, haha. After all, maybe I haven't tried enough. I'm afraid to discuss it with my lecturer because he will be disappointed since I haven't made any progress. I don't know what I want to write for my paper. I'm so stupid. I've become one of the stupidest student in class since I tried to put my priority in somewhere else. I'm struggling with my change of value.
I don't really want to enter graduate program to begin with. I've been trying to change my point of view about my life. I tried to stop dedicating my entire life for "good grade" in academic. I tried new things. Step by step. I've been struggling to accept that I'm really here, in graduate school. I have to face it, I 've to graduate from here, I can't just give up because my parents have paid my tuition and it's a huge number. But this f*cking program!!! My lecturer forced us to sign for a program where my uni will pay for our research as long as we're able to publish a scopus indexed journal. It was so sudden. She expected us to have a topic for the paper in less than a week. I was even more frustrated when my lecturer signed me with a lecturer whose specialty is in history, politic and diplomacy when I don't have any interest in any of them at all. It's my fault that I didn't tried to explain it. I'm bad in explaining. I'm not good with public speaking. And at that time I was still trying to accept that I'm really in graduate school.
And here am I, keep making excuses.... I'm so sorry. I should try again. I don't know how, though. Can... someone help me...? I can't just give up.... My family is really caring. They are my life. I refuse to give my life for a f*cking uni. No... I'm so sorry. I'll delete this thread if it's so disturbing.
Thank you very much....
@echo1412
Welcome! I'm sorry you're going through the struggle right now at school. It sounds like you're having anxiety for a few different reasons. (1) You don't want to be in grad school, (2) It sounds like you're studying things you aren't interested in, and (3) You've got "writer's block" on this paper.
#1 and #2 are a little more long-term to deal with, but the paper is an immediate stress that you can take care of. I know you're feeling overwhelmed, and you don't have any idea what to write. Here are some suggestions on how you can get through this with less anxiety.
1 - Take 15 minutes and brainstorm ideas about the paper. You don't have to come up with perfect titles. Just write down some ideas that fit the theme of the paper. Then walk away for 15 minutes.
2 - Come back and review what you wrote down. Pick the idea that you feel most at ease about and write a couple of sentences about what the paper could be about. If you can come up with a title, write it here, too. Walk away again.
3 - Do a little bit of research on your ideas and topic and gather some main points you can make.
4 - Come back, review what you wrote, and then start creating an outline. Even if it's small. Just write down what points you need to make in the paper.
Once you have that outline you'll have something you can follow along to build the paper you need to turn in.
I hope this helps!
@thoughtfulmomma Thank you very much for your respond! I'm trying to do what you suggest as well as what some online articles out there suggest. I managed to stay calmer these past few days, so I could work on it in a snail pace. Though I still didn't go anywhere with my article journal.... But, thank you very much...!! I'll try again today.....
@echo1412
Everyone says that the hardest part is just starting, and it's true. So you're doing great! You've started! You can do it!
