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Hello, all.
I’ve never been one to really express myself. I keep a lot inside, but ever since my wife cheated on me and we’ve been talking about it, the flood gates have opened. This will be a long post, so please bear with me, and thank you from the bottom of my heart if you take the time to read all of it. I just need someone to talk to and for somebody to know what happened.
To start, I want to let you know that my wife has been transparent every step of the way. She told me over a month ago that she was developing feelings for another guy and that it scared her. It’s somebody who works with her. We talked about it but nothing was resolved. The times that she hung out with him were just friendly at first. I really really wish that I could have stopped her and told her no, but I KNEW that she would resent me if I said no and “forbid” it. I trusted her, despite knowing her feelings.
So, about 3-4 days ago, she said that they were going out to lunch and then watching Disney+ at our apartment. Every fiber of my being was on edge all day (I was at work), and I wanted more than NOTHING to stop it. Honestly her and I had such a nice emotional connection the night before that I thought nothing would happen. You wouldn’t believe how arrogant I can be. When I came home, I found her on our couch…. In the dark. I always greet her with a kiss but when I leaned in, she whispered “don’t kiss me.”
After I stopped crying, she told me what happened between them. They didn’t have sex or anything. Just kissing and cuddling on the couch while watching the movie. This hurt me more than anything in the whole world. My trust had been shattered, and my whole body was shaking. I had no words at the moment, just shock. We talked about it all throughout the night.
The thing that stabbed my heart with a dagger was that she no longer wanted to be with me. She did express several times throughout our relationship that she wasn’t happen. I think back now and I feel like SUCH an idiot for not repairing and working on things sooner. I failed to mention earlier that I tried so hard during the time she told me she had feelings for him. I bought her flowers, I made her dessert, I told her how much I loved and appreciated her. That’s not enough though. Her love language is quality time, and I wasn’t giving her that. Now, she’s talking with a guy who is being vulnerable with her and showing her attention. I wasn’t doing that, I’ll admit it. Like I said I have such a hard time expressing myself and wasn’t giving her what she needed.
I wasn’t listening, but I’m listening now. She says that it’s too late. Even though she cheated, I want more than ANYTHING to continue our marriage. I want us to get past this and to grow as a couple. She’s staying at her parents for now. We had such a nice conversation before she left last night. I still have a tiny sliver of hope. However, she said that she’s not willing to work on us right now. That’s what hurts most. I can’t stop thinking of how I could have prevented all of this if I had just listened.
I don’t want you to think badly of her. The blame isn’t all on her. I’m a contributing factor. I harbor no hate for her nor do I for the guy she cheated on me with. I just want her to be happy, but to be honest, I’m not ready to let her go. I really, truly believe that things can be fixed.
So, I guess I’m looking for some advice and for someone to talk to. I haven’t told my friends and family and probably won’t until we know for sure that we’re ending our relationship.
Again thank you so much if you read this far and decided to take a minute. It means more than anything to me 🙂