enthusiasticZebra5450 Member Profile

...See more I have done horrible things in the past, I told him things about my past relationships which made me look innocent whereas I wasn't and even if I were I shouldn't have lied because he loved me and would have understood. He then eventually got to the truths. I have been physical with a stranger and have met him thrice. I lied to him about that as well. And I broke his trust thrice. He is still willing to give me one chance because he is truly in love with me. How do I gain his trust back? And who am I? I lied for the first time and I was going to lose him, I sweared I won't lie lie again but I did it again. I was scared. I am a coward. My best friend said I'm very weak and she hates my mentality maybe because I had sex with a stranger, but I did it because I was frustrated from life and I wanted to destroy myself and ruin everything for myself. Also when I was 16 a teacher approached me and got into relationship and I thought it was love but then when we broke up I knew he just used my body and it was his fault, but wasn't it mine too? I let him in, I let him do everything. I have always been trying to be a victim. I don't know who I really am. But for now I need to be loyal, truthful and give every fucking thing that I can to my partner. Because he didn't deserve a slut like me. He deserves love. Please tell me how to gain it back and how do I know who am I? How do I understand myself and him?

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