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etaylor2332
765 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceJuly 29, 2020
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Unwanted thoughts and feelings
Trauma Support / by etaylor2332
Last post
 August 5th, 2020
...See more I thought i would share my childhood because it was a really tramatizing time and im hoping that telling my story might help in some way for me and also maybe help others like me to know that they are not alone. My dad passed away when i was 16. Ive never had any feelings for him for what he did to me except for fear and hatred towards him. In my mind he was no father of mine. Just a monster that i hated but feared so when he died i was releaved and happy but scared to death still to tell my story out of fear of my mom because she was abusive as well to me and knew what my dad was doing and let him do it. I was scared to say anything while they were alive. My mom passed away a few years ago and even though i feel some releif because they are gone i am still tramatized so bad that i cant live a normal life. I cant have nornal relationship and am scared to allow anyone to touch me and often freak out. I am in a relationship but i struggle with it and the memories of what happened to me often surface and get in the way. My relationship is constantly up and down. I am extremely afraid of the dark. I have a lot of candles abd battery powered light in case the power is lost in the house. No room in my house is ever dark. The lights stay on all the time. I cannot walk into a dark room and i cant sleep in the dark. I wont go anywhere that it is too dark to see my surroundings. This is a hard thing to live with. I am scared to sleep at night because of the nightmares that i have when i sleep.
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Feel trapped
Trauma Support / by etaylor2332
Last post
 August 3rd, 2020
...See more I am new to this app. I have been struggling my whole life with deppression. I was molested and beaten by my father for 8 years as a child into my early teen years while my mom sat and allowed it to happen. I was home schooled and kept away from the public. I had no friends, no comfort and was scared to death to speak up and report what was happening. I am extremely scared of people and cannot sleep in the dark. I keep my bedroom light on all the time. I have nightmares almost every night and panic attacks. I feel like a lot has been taken from me and i cannot live a normal life. I have lost some of my vision and hearing from years of abuse of being kicked in the head and slamned to the ground. I have two dogs in my house for protection and comfort. I am hopeful that one day things will be better and i can stop being so scared. Looking for any support. I have so much physical and emotional damage from my childhood that makes every part of my life difficult. I was seeing a therapist but i have lost hours at my job because of covid 19 and cannot afford her right now.
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