Feel trapped

I am new to this app. I have been struggling my whole life with deppression. I was molested and beaten by my father for 8 years as a child into my early teen years while my mom sat and allowed it to happen. I was home schooled and kept away from the public. I had no friends, no comfort and was scared to death to speak up and report what was happening. I am extremely scared of people and cannot sleep in the dark. I keep my bedroom light on all the time. I have nightmares almost every night and panic attacks. I feel like a lot has been taken from me and i cannot live a normal life. I have lost some of my vision and hearing from years of abuse of being kicked in the head and slamned to the ground. I have two dogs in my house for protection and comfort. I am hopeful that one day things will be better and i can stop being so scared. Looking for any support. I have so much physical and emotional damage from my childhood that makes every part of my life difficult. I was seeing a therapist but i have lost hours at my job because of covid 19 and cannot afford her right now.