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eunnikoh
905 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceMarch 21, 2021
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[TW] groomed by my teacher when i was young, years after k fantasize about it (him).
Trauma Support / by eunnikoh
Last post
 August 22nd, 2021
...See more i was groomed when i was more or less 14 years old by my teacher and now years later (im not comfortable revealing my age). i fantasize about it as if i want to go back there. but i really don't, but i don't get why i think of it and get turned on. then afterwards hate myself again for letting myself happen that to me and actually fantasizing about it. whether getting forced or consensual, i imagine it and get somewhat turned on. i don't know why i think like this i fricking hate it. it makes me feel disgusted. i am disgusted with myself. i feel like shit for feeling like this. people have had it worse and yet i get turned on by them abusing or forcing themselves into me. but at the same time, i really don't want that to happen and afterwards fantasizing about it, i get an anxiety attack. i am... lost.
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i don't know what happened to me
Trauma Support / by eunnikoh
Last post
 March 23rd, 2021
...See more I wasn't molested or anything, tho there were awkward attempts of hand holding and hugging and forehead kisses, but i think i was groomed. at least psychologically. i was manipulated into that relationship by my teacher (a teacher in training or a student-teacher) who has now his license and is teaching people now... i was vulnerable and he apparently created a false safe place of security and false love... idk i was too dumb and a fool. i was 13 and two years had passed and i still can't get over it. rather, it had only sink in to me that i think i was groomed. idk i just need validation of what really happened to me. he was 7-10 years older than me. idk send help. i also think my friends don't fully believe that im suffering from what happened. i can't tell my family bcos,,, typical asian filipino household where we're somewhat close-minded when it comes to mental health and stuff like these... i don't really know what happened to me was even valid or not. i don't know.
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