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gentlePark5994
1,187 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2019 Member sinceOctober 1, 2018
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Depressed boyfriend broke up with me
Relationship Stress / by gentlePark5994
Last post
 September 11th, 2019
...See more So I have been in a casual long distance relationship with a guy for 7 months, throughout which we have talked every day, skyped twice a week, and he has come to visit me a few times. He struggles with anxiety and depression, but has always been open and honest about this and we have been mutually supportive and emotionally close, talking about everything. This summer, I came back to the UK so we could see one another more often for a few months. Everything seemed to be going well, we were looking forward to spending more time together and enjoy being in the same place. The first meeting was really nice, he met my family and we had passionate sex. However, the next meet up he cancelled at the last minute. The next week he came to stay for the weekend, and told me on arrival that he didnt want anything romantic. I asked where this was coming from, and he said he was worried it was going to snowball into us moving in together around the corner from my parents and he would lose his independence (this is absurd, i am super independent and live abroad!). We talked and he realised he was overthinking it, so we carried on as normal, kissing and cuddling. The next morning, he apologised, we were intimate, then he said he couldn't handle anything physical. At this point I got upset and cried, he held me and comforted me. He then stayed for three more days, behaving as if we were still together, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, meeting my best friend and my sister. As he left, he kissed me and said nothing is ending, i still want you in my life, i just can't handle anything physical right now. He needs to work on himself. I was so confused. A few days later, we talked and he said that I should still come to his concert that Friday, but not come to stay for the weekend as we had planned. I went to the concert, things seemed chill and fine, we hugged and said we would meet the following week. But then he cancelled again, saying he was feeling terrible ( i later found out his Nan had died so that was upsetting him, but i wish he'd told me). And so on, with him reaching out, arranging to meet or skype, then cancelling. Then this weekend, we talked on skype and i expressed everything i was feeling about how i had never asked for a serious relationship, felt hurt that he said he wanted me in his life then pushed me away, and really care about him. He was receptive and caring and apologetic, and said he wants to start over (he didn't clarify if he meant friends or romantic), and invited me to his gig that night. The evening started well, he stood with his arm around me for a while, then later joined me and a friend for food, and gave me a long, lingering hug. But after his band played, i went up to congratulate him and he was really cold with me, didn't even turn around to look at me. I was so hurt. Later, i went to say goodbye to him, as i am returning to my country next week. We held hands but he felt really awkward and distant, and said he felt really guilty. I was upset to end on an awkward note, and confused about his sudden change in behaviour, but kept my feelings in check. But after i left i cried for hours. Why say he wants me in his life and cares about me and be affectionate, then just act as if he can't bear to be around me? I am so confused and sad. I know he has a lot of stress in his life right now (so do I) and is not coping, but i want to be there for him and support him. I hate knowing he is struggling and not being there, but if he doesn't want my help i can't force it. I don't know what to think! His actions and words are so confusing! Any thoughts?
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