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gentleTurtle8750
11,551 M Pacing Forward 6
PathStep 132 Compassion hearts149 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2017 Member sinceJuly 24, 2015
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Self-esteem
Depression Support / by gentleTurtle8750
Last post
 April 9th, 2016
...See more I don't know what to do right now. I don't have any self-esteem (I mean absolutely none). I feel like I'm a huge disappointment to everyone around me. I feel like I'm a waste of space, time, energy, resources. I don't want to do anything because I know I'll fail. I know I don't deserve to be loved or to have friends. I don't have dreams or hopes. I have nothing to look forward to. I only ever wanted one thing: to have a child. It's been 12 years since I had to have a hysterectomy because I had cancer and every commercial with babies in it still makes me cry. I feel like my whole life is a waste.
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How can I stop this?
Depression Support / by gentleTurtle8750
Last post
 September 17th, 2015
...See more I have so many things whirling around my brain. Everything seems to upset me. Things I can't control. Things I have absolutely no say in. I just want some peace but I don't know how or where to get it. If there was only a switch you could use to switch your mind off sometimes. I've got something going on that I've been worrying about and it will be going on until the end of October. I wake up worrying about it, worry about it half the day, and go to bed worrying about it. And, again, it's something that I can't really control, it's going to happen whether I worry about it or not. But it's about someone I admire very much. I don't know them personally but I do admire their work and I so want the best for them. I know if they knew I was losing sleep and driving myself crazy worrying about this, they would be horrified and tell me not to but I tend to be obsessive over things and this is obsessing me right now. I just want the next six and a half weeks to be over so I can stop worrying about this. But whenever my mind has a quiet moment, it inevitably returns to thinking about this. I can't do any of the things I used to do. I can't read or write stories or watch movies, nothing I used to love to do interests me anymore. I'm driving myself around the bend worrying. And I don't know what to do to stop it.
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Okay, this is going to sound strange
Depression Support / by gentleTurtle8750
Last post
 August 27th, 2015
...See more I used to worry a lot as a kid. I mean worry about everything. The first exams I took in high school, I spent more time crying about and thinking I'd never be able to keep all of it in my head then I actually did studying (I didn't have to worry, I did fine). After that, I never worried that much about exams again, I just studied. The worry has come back (along with a really bad depression, which I've had most of my life). Right now, I'm fixated on something. It's something I have absolutely no control over. It's something I can do absolutely nothing to change. I'd rather not say what it is because it's an absolutely stupid thing to be obsessed about. It's nothing bad. But it upsets me so much I can't concentrate. I can't get anything done at work because I'm constantly checking on updates for it (on a website). I find myself crying over it. I lose sleep over it. It's an event going on until the end of October and I'm going to drive myself crazy obsessing over it until then. I try not to think about it but it's not working. Any advice?
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Not sure what to do
Depression Support / by gentleTurtle8750
Last post
 August 22nd, 2015
...See more I've had depression for so long. I feel buried some times. The last few years have been really tough. There are periods of such blackness but then there are periods of numbness, when I don't feel anything (which is something I actually look forward to as something other than pain). Right now I'm suffering and I get so anxious about things (I used to get worried over everything when I was younger but it's come back). I get worried over things that I have absolutely no control over and can't do anything to change. I get obsessed over them. I can talk myself out of it sometimes but other times not. And it's ruining my life. Any advice?
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Don't want to be in pain anymore
Depression Support / by gentleTurtle8750
Last post
 August 15th, 2015
...See more Hi. I've been dealing with depression all of my life. I don't have any friends and my family doesn't really support me at all (they think I should just stop feeling sorry for myself). I don't know what to do with my life (well, I say life, it's no more than an existence). I've just turned 50. I've waited for so long for my life to begin but I know that it won't. I've never had a boyfriend (or a girlfriend) or even been on a date. I've never been kissed. It's been so long since someone touched me willingly that I forget what it feels like. I don't know what human warmth feels like. I spent my whole time in school being bullied, told everyday and in every way that I'm fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, useless, and that I didn't deserve friends, love, or happiness. I guess it's stuck with me because I believe it. I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve to be happy (I don't think I'd know what it felt like anyway). I've never been loved (I wish I did). I hate every part of myself. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I go to bed every night praying to God that I won't wake up in the morning. I want so much for peace. I want all of the pain to end. But I don't know how. I'm so alone (I spend about 95% of myself alone). What do I do?
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