Not sure what to do
I've had depression for so long. I feel buried some times. The last few years have been really tough. There are periods of such blackness but then there are periods of numbness, when I don't feel anything (which is something I actually look forward to as something other than pain). Right now I'm suffering and I get so anxious about things (I used to get worried over everything when I was younger but it's come back). I get worried over things that I have absolutely no control over and can't do anything to change. I get obsessed over them. I can talk myself out of it sometimes but other times not. And it's ruining my life. Any advice?
As a former sufferer of depression and anxiety that led to eating disorders and body image issues, I can honestly say that the only way to get through this is to forgive yourself. You will screw up. You will think that it might be better if you were dead, but in 3, or 5, or 10 years you will be so happy that you kept fighting through this. Tough times don't last forever, and if you put on your sassy face and screw anyone who you think is judging you, this will get better. Find a passion, try dancing in your living room if you are too scared to try it publicly. Paint, make music, you will find something worth fighting for, and you will be so glad you did. Don't let the little shit bother you, so what if you stuttered during your presentation, nobody is going to remember that forever. Screw the rest of the world, YOU have a right to do things, and can't let worries get in your way. I believe in you. Get better xx.
In addition to this, I also have a tip. I have a passion for writing, so I created a character. It was me, but exactly the person I dreamed of being without my anxiety/depression etc. I placed her in my stories, in different scenarios saying "screw it" and being who she wanted, not letting anxiety get in the way. And I eventually started to become this character, the girl I always knew I could be. This is just a suggestion that worked for me, but I found it neat.
I remember that feeling of numbness. I used to love it for the same reason, it wasn't pain. Just keep in mind that you are strong. You can get through anything. There are a lot of exciting things that are happening around you, and that haven't happened yet. When I feel those fee longs coming on I take a deep breath. Then I name 5 things I can see, 4 things I can smell, 3 of my favorite flavors, 2 things I can feel, and 1 thing I am grateful for. I usually get to 3 and feel better. Sometimes it takes less and sometimes it takes more, but it's all about bring yourself back to the moment.
I hope that helps you 😊
I feel as though meditation is a great way to try and discover what it is that is troubling you at the core of things, and then you can begin to conquer those issues.
@gentleTurtle8750, I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain. As a fellow struggler, I experienced the depth of despair one can feel. It's overwhelming, as if the whole universe disappeared and just depression was left in for me to recollect. Like a wicked punishment for something I didn't do. Only numbness, self-hatred, bitterness around me - even worse, inside me - and no hope for a better tomorrow. Slowly and steadily I am losing my will to fight it anymore. Because what's the point? More bitterness, more hate? Why insisting on keeping going? Living like this is hell and I don't deserve it.
You don't deserve it either. I want to hug you, shield you from the darkness and tell you that everything's okay, that you are not alone in your struggle. We are here for you, we care, we listen. I want to collect your sufferings in cups and give it to the sea, so your pain would be washed away, but I can't. Instead I am writing these words to you in hope you can find some comfort in them. Let me bring you soft pillows and a blanket and maybe hot chocolate, so you can truly enjoy a break from the constant anxiety. I will play your favourite comedy movies, so you can laugh out loud. I will bake you cookies.
And I know sometimes words aren't enough. Sometimes I feel such an empty void inside me that people who care for me can scream and I still won't hear them. Still, I am writing to tell you that your brain is lying to you.
It's trying to deceive you, speaking sly insinuations that you are nothing, that you can't manage your emotions, that obstacles in you life are impenetrable. It overwhelms you with anxiety and guilt. It's wrong. You are worth every nice thing in this universe. You are strong and can overcome anything life throws at you. You are courageous to face your sufferings every day and insisting on not giving in. You are unique and incredible. I am proud of you. You are doing such a great job.
Living with an anxiety and depression can be excessively painful, but fortunately they are treatable. I don't know if you've already done it, but I strongly advise you to talk to your doctor, if you haven't. You can then discuss various treatment options, and choose the ones you are most comfortable with. You really don't have to suffer, there is a way out of it.
If you want to know how did I cope, I can share it here, but I don't know if my answers are the same as the one you're looking for. I also don't know if this lengthy post will be of any use to you. I just want to reassure you once again, that you are heard and not alone.
Please take a good care of yourself. Sending you strength and lots of hugs!
Thank you so much for writing this.
I don't really feel strong or courageous for surviving, for forcing myself through a day. I really hate that life is so hard. Every night I go to bed praying so hard that God will just let me never wake up.
If I could just have some peace. Just one day where the worries went away, where I felt something other than sad or numb.
Thank you though for replying and for sending strength and hugs. I really appreciate it.
@gentleTurtle8750, you don't have to feel strong to be strong. I recognize your achievements and persistence in pushing yourself through thick hours of a day.
Recovery is hard and complicated and energy draining. It doesn't happen over a minute, day or a week. It's a gradual process, like with leaves falling down from trees in autumn. One by one they dropped through the season and suddenly you realized there's none of them. With a right treatment you can outlast anxiety and feel being at peace. What you are experiencing right now is not your default option.
Are you female? If so have you had your hormones checked? I was soo bad most of my life then I found out I was not producing hormones right. I had an in balance. Don't know if this helps but you never know
Hi. I guess you could say we are in the same boat. Bad time for a joke I get it. If there is any advice I could give you, it's to make a list of activities that you like or people who you enjoy spending time with/ make you smile.
Another thing is to do some soul searching (I know sounds silly). Try to remind yourself that you are alive and that maybe lifes next great adventure is right around the corner.
Find expressive music or inspirational books that make you feel something stirring deep inside you.
Bake. I don't really know why, but suceeding in making something makes you feel complete somehow. If you fail, keep trying. Don't worry. Gradually go from easy cookies to time-craving artistry.
Try to create a healthy obsession.
See a shrink or buy some anti-depressants.
Fall in love.
Experiment.
Go for walks and cuddle with a pet or two.
I hope some of this helps. Don't take everything too seriously.
Alot of love, your friendly neighborhood geometrican Lili :)