Don't want to be in pain anymore

I am so very sorry to hear of your suffering. I am 50 years old now and have suffered from anxiety & depression since I was a little boy.

I won't bore you with all the details, but I did everything to ignore & avoid it. I "self-medicated" and seriously abused alcohol and drugs in order to 'get by'.

It wasn't until September 11th (I worked in Manhattan at the time) and I was on the floor, in the fetal position, until I started to get help.

Looking for help is not a sign of weakness, but sign of strength. There are many ways and combinations of ways to look for help.

It is my belief that we are all suffering to some degree. Sadly, many do not look towards the cause of the suffering while looking for methods of stopping the pain. I abused alcohol and drugs. Others look for a cessation of suffering in so many different, often destructive ways.

Each of our suffering is quite individual and can barely be fully by ourselves no less use words to describe it to others, even if the do care. In this way we are truly alone.

Each of our unique suffering is also what can join us together. While we are each on our own path we are on paths together.

Please consider looking for assistance. You don't need to do it alone. It is not useless. You have suffered enough.

Be strong and be patient with yourself.

Although my experience have not been to your degree. The best way and I feel the only way for you to overcome this is first spend some time to reinvent your life. This is not to say change you, more like be a better you. Each of us should adopt the idea of becoming the better version of ourselves daily. You feel alone, you don't feel valued, you feel worthless. If this is correct, how do you feel like you belong? Or valued or cherished? It's simple. To become valued by others, you must give value. Although it looks like you don't have any value to give - sorry if it sounds harsh. There a was a point in time when I had many more friends and a girlfriend. When I lost control, ownership, and responsibility of my life, everything crumbled from the business I was building, my girlfriend, etc. It's a sad reality that people will leave you if you do not bring value to your life. Although it can be a good thing because once you work on yourself and become better and have something to give to people that they will appreciate they will reciprocate and give back compassion and appreciation and it will feel really good. Your parents are correct that you should stop feeling for yourself. Although I feel like they just tell you but don't know how to show you. When I lost everything I valued in my life, I was feeling like I was slipping into depression, but life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance, you gotta keep moving. I hated that feeling of worthlessness, not loved, and didn't amount to anything so I vowed never to ever feel this shitty ever again and I did everything I could to build my life back again. Start by spending some time with yourself in your thoughts, what don't you like about yourself? Don't buy into the Disney stories that you are perfect and beautiful in every way. I'm sorry, life is just not that way. Each of us have flaws we can work on, although we can't be perfect, we can still continue to become better. Life is movement, you gotta keep moving forward with your life. When I was at a dark point of my life, I couldn't sleep thinking I'd be in the same place tomorrow as I was yesterday. After you have though about the things you don't like about yourself then think about how you can improve those. Do you not like the way you look? Spend some time exercising. Do you not like being shy? Would you rather see yourself as thr bubbly charming and lovable person? Spend time communicating with people. There's always a solution for every problem. If you want something bad enough, you will find a way, if not you will find an excuse. I used to be shy, I used to be out of shape, I used to be very naive and dumb. I spent my time talking to random people... When im in the coffee shop I try to strike a casual conversation with the person next to me. I'd talk to the cashier when I buy something. I went to community gatherings and introduced myself to people. I hated it so much, but after a while I loved learning about people. It was just the initiation of conversation I hated. You won't like every person you talk to and it's okay, move on. There's 7 billion people. If i don't like talking to them I'll move on as quick as possible eventually I'll find a person I'll immediately click. Read books. Books are important for self improvement. Read self development book. Read how to win friends and influence people if you want to learn how to get people to like you. These are not books for losers, these are powerful books on how to sell because everything in life is about selling. Exchanging value. Learn about leadership. Learn about different personality types. Learn about yourself. Look up your zodiac sign, whether they are true or not, they are a good starting point. Become the ideal you. If you have questions you can ask me. Ask me practical questions, I will give you practical answers. I'm not a motivator, I'm a coach.

Good luck, and remember:

When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.