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gregariousKite6323
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2020 Member sinceApril 6, 2020
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How to support depressed partner who has shut down from everyone, during the pandemic?
Relationship Stress / by gregariousKite6323
Last post
 August 24th, 2020
...See more Hi everyone - new here. A bit of context, but i'll try to keep it brief. My partner (27M) has suffered from clinical depression for the last four years of our six year relationship. He has tried many different things, but after a run of about 6 'good' months has stopped seeking professional help. I noticed the signs about a month ago of depression creeping back in (lack of joy in anything, becoming increasingly irritable, not responding to messages). I work half the week away, half the week at home, and usually can lift him up at weekends, but lockdown came into force before I could get back to our second home. I have housemates, whereas he is all alone, isolated (a massive trigger for him) and it has affected his job, so effectively he has nothing to do. He is now firmly in the grips of a depressive episode. When depressed, he shuts himself off from everyone. I think partly because he thinks he's a burden, he doesn't want people to see him like this, and also because speaking to people reminds him of how down, bored, and irritable he perceives himself to be (not how myself and his family see it, but then again, depression tells you you're a horrible person. Why would others want to hang out with you?). He won't answer messages, or at least engage properly, and has told everyone (except me) that his internet is down (i.e. excuse not to engage). A positive is that he will answer my calls. I know enough about depression now to not take his mood personally, but I struggle in how to best communicate. He refuses to talk about how he truly feels, and gets angry if i ask. He has told me not to ask him anything about him, and so i just talk about my day (he engages little with this, sometimes sounds jealous that I've still got things going on, or just says nothing at all). But, I don't want him to think I don't care, am not interested in him, or make him feel worse about his current situation. But equally, I want him to know I'm there. I asked him which worked best - messages or calls, and he said calls because he liked to hear my voice (a positive). So I call, every other day, sometimes for just ten minutes, sometimes for longer. But it's never a two-way conversation. Does anyone have any advice on this? Should I continue to tell him little tidbits about my day, mundane things, normality etc., or should i be gently probing about his condition and encouraging to get help? Thanks. Depression is hard enough to navigate, least of all when you've been forceably seperated due to a pandemic! Any support would be appreciated x
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