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helios00
157 M Embraced 1
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceAugust 28, 2021
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am i overreacting? advice please
Relationship Stress / by helios00
Last post
 September 29th, 2021
...See more im sorry this is going to be kind of long, i don't know how to summarize myself. so, ive been talking to this person for about a year now. we met on a dating app and have been talking ever since. we hit it off pretty well and talked almost daily. it was harder to meet up due to covid and my nervousness, but we've seen eachother quite a few times. they told me they had deleted the dating app about a month after talking to me, i had done the same. we never made it "official" but said we would take things "day by day." we arent dating, but we were pretty exclusive. things were going pretty well and they had even mentioned how they wanted to make it "actually official" just a couple months in. we never got too into it and always just defaulted to keeping the exclusivity without the title. maybe a month or two ago we decided to redownload the dating app to laugh and reread our old conversations. i saw that their profile had a new bio and several new pictures. i assumed they were changed during that 1 month period where they still had the app. i was fine with that because it had only been a little after we started talking and its not like we were exclusive immediately. i had noticed something odd tho. their bio said that they were vaccinated, and i know they didnt get vaccinated until march. i wasnt going to bring it up, but it was really getting under my skin. i told them i wasnt upset or angry and that it was okay if they were using it and that i would just like to know the truth. (this was a lie, i was pretty hurt but didnt want to upset them or cause too much of a conflict) for a little more context, we had already been talking for 6 months at this point, and had done some intimate stuff. im the type of person who takes that stuff seriously. opening up sexually is hard for me, and it involves a lot of trust and attachment. this was something they knew and i had communicated very well. after i brought it up it was initially brushed off as something we should talk about later. i tried my best to act normal, but i couldnt shake that nasty feeling. when we did talk it out it was... very emotional. they are going through... a lot of personal problems and said that they got drunk, downloaded the app, and talked to a few people but that was it. they told me that they technically didnt break any rules and that i was kind of overreacting. i wasnt really sure how to feel and all i knew was that i was just... hurt. they kept telling me that if i wanted to leave i could and that im probably only staying because of all the stuff theyre going through. they just kept repeating that it was only a few people whose names they dont even remember and that nothing physical happened. when i was still trying to wrap my head around everything, they started talking about how they ruined everything. that im too good for them, that theyre such a mess up, and other stuff like that. i was still hurt and confused, but i wanted it all to stop so i just pulled back and agreed that i was overreacting. its been a bit since then, and i just try to forget it but... sometimes that nasty feeling comes back. im just... not sure. i was too scared to voice how i really felt because things were already getting so emotional and crazy. i didnt want them to do anything drastic. i dont know how i should feel. was it okay for me to be upset? was it reasonable for me to assume we were exclusice 6 months in? should i just get over it? i really dont know :( someone please offer advice.
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relapse
Self-Harm Recovery / by helios00
Last post
 June 24th, 2022
...See more last night i guess i kinda relapsed. i was several months clean, but it all became too much. it wasnt even that bad, just smacking anf clawing at myself, but i cant help but feel more urges now. it feels like some sort of addiction. the rush of the pain and the way it distracts me from my brain feels so good in the moment, like a sort of high. immediately regret it after tho. idk what to do. my mental health is getting worse and i cant help but crave that rush again.
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what can i do?
7 Cups Online Therapy / by helios00
Last post
 September 10th, 2021
...See more i dont know what to do. my depression is getting worse, i cant afford any sort of medication/therapy, and im scared i might become fully suicidal again. what should i do? i dont have any people around me to talk to about this. ive lived with depression my entire life, and for the past 3 or so years it just feels like it hasnt gone away. what can i do at this point? just try to live throught it? it feels impossible and neverending.
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