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hermess785
1 863 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts98 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes61 Current upvotes61 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceNovember 19, 2025
Bio

Don't expect me to be active because I am in solitude because of what I went through

Call me Nick or Nicholas btw

Recent forum posts
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Another vent... again.
General Support / by hermess785
Last post
 February 7th
...See more So... in the previous safe space I was there on di scord, I got cut and brushed off by others when I express my intense emotions such as rage, hostility, hatred, frustration and resentment, but my these intense emotions weren't out of maliciousness or spitefulness, it was due to the exhaustion of being unheard, unsupported and having almost no friends at all. I even know these people but they cut me off ok, due to the way how I express my pain? :( And I... ALSO FREAKING DESPISE when my vulnerabilities were misunderstood and weaponized as "aggression and guilt-tripping". This is another gaslighting or DARVO tactic if you ask me, and I hate it when someone does this. I may have also said things out of anger, such as "I'm done with y'all, goodbye and I hope I never come back" and "😒" to someone. I never mean to do it alright? I genuinely feel remorse for my actions and I know this was wrong, I just was under a lot of pain or am genuinely hurt because I know I got betrayed by a lot of people who used to be my allies/friends in the previous community I was there where I got harassed badly, and for how I don't have true friends yet nobody seemed to understand me about that...
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I'm just exhausted of everything, man
General Support / by hermess785
Last post
 January 3rd
...See more I just couldn't handle being harassed and constantly criticized over the last year. And months after, I lost my confidence and trust because of that, I know I was clumsy, and I would have been more careful and mindful of what I was doing. I know I should have improved on my self-esteem, but it's still extremely low like always. I know I should have been less socially anxious and more communicative and charismatic, and I'm sorry about this for everything. I even tried to build friendships, be heard by anyone and get new friends, and what did I get? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. This is totally unfair, I'm completely broken and now, I can't even find any hope for what I want... I don't even have any online friends as much as I used to Like, you know how much buttload of anger, bitterness and sorrow I am carrying? I am often being rejected and ghosted by society. I'm unlovable, invisible, replacable, disposable and also a burden to anyone at this point.... The more raw emotions I show anywhere else, like mental health spaces (specifically vent channels) in the app ***, my desire for connection fades away even more because I didn't get much support as I wanted, or be heard. It makes me want to suffer in silence even more, so that I can't vent somewhere else and also make new friends or talk to anyone after the countless amounts of betrayal I ever faced. Like, just *** that nevertheless, I experience too much emotional outbursts, frustration and resentment lately... Solitude is my new friend and can help, but Loneliness just made me suffer much further after I left that previous community where I was constantly criticized, harassed and gaslit, and I'm exhausted of that as well. I just wish that I could be a better person where I could be more confident, careful of others and also sociable, but no, I really feel that this *** will never *** happen man. That's all I could ever talk about this, I'm tired of hiding this all alone.
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My personal experience about relational trauma
Trauma Support / by hermess785
Last post
 January 8th
...See more Alright so, from Late 2023, 2024 and Early 2025, I went through a prolonged pattern of cyber-harassment, instability, false accusations, and broken trust in a certain online community. It all started in November 2023 after I had a fight with some former friend escalated through miscommunication and my reactions to comments that hurt my feelings. Even though I wasn't widely hated at this time, the situation had already made me more emotionally volatile and sensitive. Things got worse in December 2023, when some of the people started mocking me, attacking my personality, and targeting me for how I interact with my female friends. This harassment continued to build on December 2023 and March 2024. These "people" insulted my nationality, ethnicity, social habits, and general behavior and also treated me as if I was their favorite punch bag and target for ridicule. In February 2024, I started a friendship with someone for whom I truly cared and supported. For few days but also weeks, we hit it off quickly and spoke almost every day. By the end of March 2024, however, people who disliked me began influencing her against me. This turned into distrust and misinterpretation of my messages. Between April 1st and 5th 2024, it completely fell apart. She and her friends went from being sweet to leaving hostile, nasty comments. They spreaded false accusations everywhere, mocked me publicly, and also distorted my vulnerability into "guilt-tripping" and "manipulation," even taking it so far as humiliation, body-shaming on April 6th, and going as far as extreme accusations that had absolutely nothing to do with reality. The sudden shift-from empathy to aggression within days-was deeply destabilizing. After April 2024, the community’s attitude toward me remained hostile. Some were on my side, but large groups continued hating on me for what I "did". In July 2024, there was once again support for me, but the overall tension did not disappear, and in August 2024, another negativity hit by my enemies who damaged me a lot, but people were still on my side. From September 2024 to early February 2025, it was a bit quieter, depending on the day, but the environment was still intense, and my trust has been ruined, but not at all (until early to mid 2025). During January–February 2025, my first former friend reconnected me aggressively after I had reported one of her abusive comments, and I thought it was someone else, but it was her all the time, reopening the old conflict. And another wave of mass betrayal and negativity happened in Late February and Early March 2025 due to my bio being misinterpreted, making me leave the community as my last resort. Also on February 18th 2025, I met another person who became my second close friend, that friendship lasted from February to June 2025, and for a while it felt stable and meaningful and I still did express affection and talked a lot. However, after she went through her own rejection in late May 2025, she became distant, not malicious, just emotionally withdrawn. On June 8–9, 2025, she ended the friendship completely, saying we didn’t share the same perspective and when I tried to tell her what's going on and question her why does she want that, she didn't want to explain why and when I tried to give her space, she said that we will "never talk again." The breakup was quiet, but final, and it happened at a moment when I still relied on her emotionally and defended the friendship until the end. By the end of this period, I had experienced repeated emotional and psychological abuse, deception, manipulation, verbal and relational aggression, and repeated losses of trust. These events reduced my willingness to express myself publicly or trust people easily. I am very aware that I made mistakes and didn't always handle situations with emotional intelligence, yet much of the damage came from exaggerations, targeted harassment, and people taking advantage of my vulnerability rather than addressing issues directly. Leaving that community was the only realistic way for me to protect myself and stop the ongoing cycle of conflict. Nowadays, the things that happened in that toxic online community still bother me nowadays, my ability to feel safe around people has been ruined after prolonged harassment, false accusations, dehumanizations, and broken trust. I feel more isolated now because I don't let people get close to me as easily, and my affection and compassion aren't as accessible as they used to be. It's not that I don't care at all or that I am cold-hearted and cruel; it's just that I've been hurt and emotionally abused so many times and put under so much stress that I'm emotionally numb and cautious. I'm still working on regaining my confidence and stability, but I'm doing it at my own pace.
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