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iivxnus
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2023 Member sinceAugust 26, 2022
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Breakup Advice/Still Holding On To Hope
Relationship Stress / by iivxnus
Last post
 February 3rd, 2023
...See more hey all! i’m sorry if this ends up being long winded but i’m having lots of issues processing this and i’m really frightful for the future. my boyfriend of a year and a half recently broke up with me this past saturday. we had on and off issues with arguments, a lot of it being because of his issues with keeping up to his promises. after an argument on new year’s eve, we agreed to take a break so he could get the space he needed to let things cool off. it was a semi-contact break, where we’d check up on each other here and there. he always would say “we’re not breaking up” and “there’s nothing to be scared of” so i didn’t worry too much about it. fast forward to saturday. i notice he changed his *** profile picture (which used to be a pic of us together) to a pic of his friends. i asked him about it. he said “i’m sorry, im just lost. i don’t think it’s a good idea for me to stay. i’m not the same person i was a month ago, and i don’t feel any better.” he came over later to get his things, and we had a conversation about it just so we didn’t end it off unanswered. i just asked him why, and this is what he said: ”i don’t know. i still love you, i will always love you, but i haven’t been feeling like myself lately. i haven’t been eating, sleeping, and i even quit rocket league.” (rocket league was a big importance to him since he was on a semi-pro team). “i haven’t had a libido, and i keep feeling chest pain all the time.” he then went on to say “let’s be honest, i wasn’t the best boyfriend to you. i kept making you question things in the relationship and worrying you, and i know there’s thousands of guys out there that would treat you much better. it’s because i love you that i have to let you go. i don’t want to hold you back.” i told him that i didn’t feel this way at all, that i just wanted him. and he said: ”maybe if we cross paths again in the future, we can try again. but i don’t feel like now is the right time.” we talked a bit after that, i just told him i’d be here for him if he ever wanted to reach out. i kept saying i love you and he would say it back, and even said that i’m his first love. we hugged and kissed, and i just feel like i should’ve held on to him a little longer. he’s even keeping the chain necklace i got him as a memory of me, and i’m just devastated. it’s been about 4-5 days. i keep hoping that we can try again in the future and there’s still hope because we didn’t have an abusive or toxic dynamic, just small arguments that i look back at and shake my head. because none of them were that big of a deal. but i’m also worried about his mental health. he looked like he lost a bit of weight and i’m concerned for him too. i’m worried about so many things, like what if i wait for him to reach out and he never does. what if i reach out in a month or two and he doesn’t answer. what if he finds someone new. what if he forgets about me. i want so badly to start again, and i know we both need to heal, but he’s always been avoidant and “deal with it on my own”, so i’m afraid he’ll never reach out. i really saw my future with him. he’s the one and only guy i dated that i really was convinced was perfect for me. and now we’re just strangers almost. i haven’t texted to check if he blocked my number or not because i want to respect his space, but it’s really just weighing on me heavily and i’m not sure who to go to. when i DO reach out to someone, i get mixed advice. “he could be lying about his mental health” “maybe he was just trying to let you off easy” “just move on, he’s not coming back.” but i just feel in my heart it was meant to be. is there such a thing as right person wrong time? sorry i know this is a lot, i’m just struggling really hard right now.
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me and my boyfriend are on a break. i’m not sure what to do
Relationship Stress / by iivxnus
Last post
 August 26th, 2022
...See more me and my boyfriend have been together for a year. we’re almost polar opposites, but we have such a good connection with each other up until now. we’ve been getting into arguments for the past month, and to be honest i never thought they were a big deal. we’d just apologize and that was that. i was over them within the night, but he lets them sit in his head and it gets to him as time goes on. last week, he initiated a break and told me he just needs time to sort his mental space out. it’s not a no-contact break; we agreed to meet up on sundays to get a weekly check up. we still do streaks, and text good morning/goodnight or if we made it somewhere safe (school, work, etc). but i’ve been stressing so bad and overthinking to the point where i text him here and there for reassurance. i tried convincing him to just talk to me and we can work it out, but he says he doesn’t even know why he feels like this. he says he just feels “off” and “not like himself” in regards to our relationship. being alone is just always how he’s dealt with things, so he thinks it’s the best way to identify his emotions, identify WHY he’s feeling these emotions, and identify a solution. only then will he communicate with me. it has me scared that this is a prelude to a break up. everyone keeps telling me that it is. i don’t want it to be; i want to make this work but it seems the only solution to him is for him to work it out on his own and communicate with me when he’s found what’s wrong. i’m scared the distance will make us lose our connection. even when i get worried and text him, he’s dry and just says “i’m sorry my love” or “i miss you too.” he doesn’t offer the same advice that he used to. i don’t know if it’s because he’s beginning to fall out of love with me, or if it’s just him being distracted with his thoughts or what he’s doing. when we DO hang out for our weekly check up, everything feels normal. it feels like we’re just having another netflix binge and just back to how we were before. but as soon as i leave, the texts stop and it’s back to square one. i’m scared i already pushed him away with my insecurities and i’ve been trying to work on the codependency issue, but i feel like it’s just who i am. he’s never expressed an issue with it. when i apologize for bothering him, he says “no need to apologize my love, i understand.” but if he understands how much it hurts me, why can’t he be willing to talk it out? what if he NEVER figures out what’s wrong and just assumes we cant be together? we almost broke up when he realized how bad this was hurting me. he told me “maybe breaking up is the only solution. i cant keep hurting you like this.” but i told him i would wait, if that’s what it took. he retracted what he said about breaking up after i convinced him that i can handle it. but… it’s just a lot harder than i expected. any advice is appreciated. i’m sorry for the rant, and i’ll give more details if needed. its just been stressful lately :/
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