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imaginativeTortoise6089
782 M Little Steps
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts66 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceJuly 31, 2023
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Lost in the world of writing
Journals & Diaries / by imaginativeTortoise6089
Last post
 August 5th, 2023
...See more When it comes to life, I feel challenges create and build you we are. Each person goes through something different regardless of environment. Two people can go through the same events and come out with many different conclusions. I've always loved writing but was afraid to pursue it publicly. Due to fear of judgement, lack of understanding, or misunderstanding my true intentions. However when I write and I can be myself; whoever that may be. I feel alive, I feel free and understood behind the words I write. The emotion flows and creates something I never thought I'd be able to create. Writing is such a beautiful gift everyone can create. There's so many topics to dive in to and explore. From fiction to fact, to controversial or fear. I truly beileve its a way to relive and relieve stress and expression. I'm so thankful, I finally found an outlet. I can be myself in without feeling like someone will judge me. Life is complicated and although it will never ease up. Writing can help process and strengthen me for the next thing to come. In this way I feel blessed, I can write to my hearts content. Without ever wondering if it will conflict with my own life. If you are still reading this I hope you are doing well and if not know, this is the mask we wear to help us get through!
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(C)PTSD caused by family members
Relationship Stress / by imaginativeTortoise6089
Last post
 July 31st, 2023
...See more I was adopted into a family at the age of 6. At the time I thought it was a great idea because one of my sisters was there. I could finally feel like I wasn't gonna lose her again. After all I lost my eldest sister due to her being 18 already...little did I know; it'd be the worse decision I'd make. Ever since I was little, family was always important to me. Even though family members would use and abuse me, I still tried to be strong and always there for them. I was scared of having no family. As I got older, I got friends who told me they would be my family; you know there forever. Right? They all left just like everyone else. I've now created my own family, however I still carry fears. I won't be good enough, every once in awhile I get nightmares of my past. Stuck in a place with nowhere to go and a ticking time bomb. I'm about to be abused... how do I run or heal from this, when it's in my dreams. How can I stop it from effecting my emotional state, when I wake up? Why is it even though I'm awake, I still feel trapped and scared. I'm in my bed with an amazing man who would do anything to protect me and child in her bed next to me. A child I'd do anything to protect. That's the thing though, I wanna protect her and my husband from suffering any tiny glimpse of abuse from my family. How can I though? I can't even protect myself. Let alone know the next time they are gonna become aggressive or whatever they might do. Why do I feel so helpless? You'd think after years of trauma, therapy, and working on myself; I have to have some knowledge of how to protect others? I don't though... when I'm in a situation my ptsd triggers and I'm frozen! I can barely help myself let alone my little family. My husband's answer is always violence to get it to stop or to protect us. I've seen the strength and anger of my family, what if he isn't strong enough and gets hurt because of me..... why can't my mind stop racing for just a minute, so I can breathe and relax. It's been 5 YEARS since the abuse was consistent, sure there's occasionally jabs and add ons. Shouldn't I be stronger now or atleast use to it? Will I ever be able to not be reminded of it..?
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The past, the present, the future?
Newbie Hub / by imaginativeTortoise6089
Last post
 August 2nd, 2023
...See more Safe space for venting, writing, and finding friends :)
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