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intellectualartist2024
1 220 M Embraced 2
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2026 Member sinceJanuary 11, 2024
Bio

39 year old married mom in United States. Work part time. BPD, ADD, CPTSD.

Love crafting. Like to talk to new people with similar experiences. Spiritual. Been through a lot But I am defined by my heart and my strengths. I am a survivor an overcomer a mom and wife who tries her best everyday

Recent forum posts
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My husband left I'm so angry
Relationship Stress / by intellectualartist2024
Last post
 March 31st
...See more My husband just left one night. Said he wanted to seperate. Got a new house. And moved out. I even gave him stuff to take to the new house but apparently it wasn't to his liking because he called me selfish. Like I gave him silverware but not enough because it was all dirty in the dishwasher. And I had washed his skillet I bought him and forgot to put that in there. Gave him $170 in food and he's complaining about the meat in our freezer wanting to take all that. Called me a narcissist and everything. It hurt. But lately he's been taking a lot of my stuff and things that came with the house when we moved in. (The landlords) Stuff I can't afford to replace that I need to keep this place running. Leaving me and my son high and dry. It's really hard not to build a resentment just like he has against me. He's so hot and cold. It messes with my heart. I'm just so hurt. It's like he calls these behaviors out then acts the same behaviors but can't see it at all. I'm just exhausted from it all. Please no rude comments. I just want to get it off my chest. Been through a lot this past week. Needed to talk.
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Husband leaving
Relationship Stress / by intellectualartist2024
Last post
 March 25th
...See more My husband has been talking about divorce for months. But always comes back to being together. But he looks at me in shame now and something has shifted in the past few weeks. He's become so detached. He decided to move out this coming weekend. It'll be me and my 12 year old son here. I'll admit there was things I was working on. And some areas I went wrong. But he had some deep rooted issues but I carried all the blame. He couldn't do accountability. He runs when it's hard. But I'm scared of the loneliness when he leaves. The quiet nights. I been crying for days. I don't like being in this house alone with memories. My son is gone right now. Probably a good thing for him. I tried to seek help on a christian marriage forum and people told me I was going to *** for breaking my bowels and It was all because I was a bad wife. I hit deep depressions and that scares me. He says it was because he was tired of taking my crap but I feel I was constantly having to react to him and his approaches too. The yelling, what I should wear, talk to, etc. there were some controlling ways but he don't see it. I see where I went wrong. I wish I could go back but I don't even think if I had done everything right he would be happy.
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BPD/ relationships/splitting
Personality Disorders Support / by intellectualartist2024
Last post
 March 19th
...See more I was misdiagnosed with bipolar for years. In actuality have BPD. I have really struggled in relationships close ones the most. Not with friends but with parents and romantic partners. I either pick abusive partners but recently got married in June. It has had very turbulent moments. I admit I'm not always easy to deal with. When confrontation hits I tend to shut down. But there are many times he will be at fault and I will carry the blame because of how I have reacted. Even if he approached me in a bad way it's always about my reaction. Quite a few times it has reached volatile levels. He always threatens to leave me and That's usually when I react. That's usually when I end up feeling like something uncontrollable comes upon me and I start saying things, mean things. Or threatening to destroy his things. Or I cut or feel like dying. I'll tell him to leave but really want him to show he cares but why would he in that moment I'm doing everything to push him away. He can usually remain calm when I'm like that or he leaves. He says if I would just calm down even when he says that that the next day everything would be fine. But something in me sets off. My dad was always angry and never showed love. He was hard on my mom. They ended up signing me over to the state at 13. My brother sexually abused me for years til about age 7 or 8 with no one knowing til I was 23 and my mom found out. I chose a life of drugs and men for years and my husband struggles with that. But he's an ex addict too just wasnt promiscuous. I want to change. I signed up for a new counselor. Reading several books on BPD and finally understanding where this is coming from and why it's happening. Any advice or anyone go through similar experiences? I've never talked to anyone about this before. I feel a lot of shame.
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