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intelligentJet2103
615 M Embraced 5
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 3, 2023
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Crying alone after so long
General Support / by intelligentJet2103
Last post
 December 6th, 2023
...See more Hi, I *** up really badly in my (long distance) relationship and now nothing is the same anymore. He has been acting different in the worst ways, even abusive for the past few weeks and probably, nothing will change. But whatever, I have been trying to focus on myself for the past few days and while it was hard to let go of my habit to get support and comfort from him.. it has been improving gradually. I just cried alone for about an hour and I feel numb, but at this point i would rather get rid of all my emotions than handle this anymore... idk I just wanted to tell this somewhere.
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Is my partner supposed to handle my anxiety breakdowns?
Anxiety Support / by intelligentJet2103
Last post
 November 23rd, 2023
...See more Just whats in the title. I am a very anxious person and have no one to talk to except him. He tells me I'm burdening him and now idk what to do. Is it normal for partners to not be there to comfort each other?? I have always had the expectation that if two people are in a relationship they'll be there for each other no matter what?
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Can't move past the mistakes I made
Trauma Support / by intelligentJet2103
Last post
 November 7th, 2023
...See more I tried to cheat on my boyfriend, he found out after a few months and was understandably upset. Somehow he decided to stay with me and forgive me, he hasn't even brought it up after a week of solving if. But honestly, I feel like I should just leave him, I'm just not good enough for him. Some backstory, I have a lot of trauma around CSA and neglect which resulted in me getting triggered by some words during a fight and acting those thoughts out. Not an excuse but an explanation. But now I feel like he deserves someone better, someone healed, someone who wouldn't think of cheating on him or lying to him. I want the best for him and I'm clearly not the best. I'm on my own healing journey but I'm scared to fail like I always have. I can't risk him again, he's way too precious to me, but my past is affecting everything so drastically. I hate this and I hate myself, can't forgive myself.
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Is it possible to spend my entire life without a partner?
Trauma Support / by intelligentJet2103
Last post
 November 5th, 2023
...See more Hi, I'm only 18 and this may seem like a very redundant question. But I want to ask other people who have that experience. I was SAed as a child and have severe trauma that has resulted in hypersexuality and attention seeking behaviour. In this process I have cheated on my ex partner, a relationship of a little over a year. And honestly, I have always wanted a single person to touch my body for my entire life, but he won't be there anymore to touch me so I see no point in forming a romantic or sexual connection with anyone else. I want to be celibate my entire life after this moment. I want to be happy but I don't want a partner, I want to be loved but only by my ex and others don't matter. I really love him, he also loves me still. But we can't get back together, he is trying to move on. I want to leave him and start working on myself but the possibility of a single future scares me. Please tell me is there anyone like me that has found happiness?
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How to forgive myself and let him go?
General Support / by intelligentJet2103
Last post
 October 31st, 2023
...See more I cheated on my boyfriend, not physically, not emotionally after a fight. I tried to force myself to do that with someone. Multiple people actually, I put myself in compromising positions just so someone would take advantage of me. This does stem from a past trauma but it still doesnt make me right. It was a 1 year long relationship and this period lasted for 1 month. During the past two months, I have been working hard on eradicating my old habits like self harm and seeking attention. But when he asked about that month, I lied just because I was deeply ashamed of myself. I still am. He found out 3 days ago and we solved it. He recently blocked me after telling me he loved me and forgave me but he couldnt do it anymore. I just want him back, but I am overrid.en with guilt and feel like it will be better for him to be without someone as broken as me but we still love each other. I have no way of contacting him now, I am blocked everywhere but I know he is in pain and I hate that it's because of me. Please give me advice.
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