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irisprism
579 M Embraced 4
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2019 Member sinceFebruary 10, 2018
Recent forum posts
Leaving Home for College
Trauma Support / by irisprism
Last post
 August 24th, 2019
...See more My parents already rejected me going to my dream four year. They also dont want me to move out in general. They just dont understand that I need to be out of the house. I try to tell them that I need independence but they just scoff and bring me down. However they dont get that the biggest part of me wanting to leave is that we are a very disfunctional, mentally abusive family. I personally experienced a lot of trauma from my moms son. And knowing that he knows I still live with them is scary. I want to leave to find some kind of closure, to feel free from my past, to not be tied to the anxiety my parents and younger siblings give me. I need to move on. I need to get out bc I feel like Im suffocating whenever they look at me. Theyve always disregarded my mental health. my dad has seen my panic attacks and just shrugs them off. Theyve even figured out I was suicidal and depressed and my mom turned herself into the victim. I cant explain to them why I am like I am—why I want too much but I just feel like even if they knew they will never let me go. I need to breathe, but they hold me by the neck and crush my hopes.
I feel like I started it.
Trauma Support / by irisprism
Last post
 May 20th, 2019
...See more I know, logically, that it really isnt. Hes the one that assaulted me, and fingered me while I was sleeping. Its his fault, but I have this guilt that maybe I started it. The first thing I can remember is that I found a porn dvd on the top of my moms old apartment while looking for snacks. I was like four or something. I climbed on the counter, and as usual I would blindly reach the top of the fridge. I happened to reach that dvd. My half brother found me with it. Hes older, 7 years. I showed him it. And ever since after, I cant remember certain things. I think I blocked them (something I learned in my AP psych class). I remember little bits. Like some of the bad ones. we moved to a new apartment. He took me under the dining table, he showed me his dick. I was curious because Id never seen one. He told me to show him mine. I did. Hes my older than me, I had l listen to him. we were visiting family. Some relative told me that hes my brother. I wasnt familiar with that term. I thought half brother meant he wasnt really my actual brother. He wasnt my dads son, so were werent related. I guess I got it confused with stepbrother. But this woman told me that we had the same mom. I didnt like hearing that. I got angry. I told the woman that he couldnt be my brother. And she said why not? I kept my mouth shut after that. I didnt want her to know what wed done
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